She and 3 Hes

School Dance

2012-01-21T13:53:00.000-06:00

Thursday night we were at Jack's school for Kindergarten Literacy Night. They taught us all about reading strategies and showed us how the kids work on reading at school. It was super fun to hear all of the kindergartners doing their best to read.

We were telling Jack that we were going to be here again the next night for their school dance. Jack had known about it, but still looked nervous. I asked him about it and he said "but they haven't TAUGHT it to us yet so I won't know what to do."

It took me a minute - "school dance" he thought meant something akin to the Hokey Pokey or the chacha. A dance to be learned. HA! Adorable. He told me that he and Izzy were both worried about it.

Izzy, you'll remember, is the little girl in his class that he's particularly fond of.

After the literacy night was finished we went over to meet Izzy's mom. I told Izzy what a school dance was and not to worry. I promised we'd see them there.

So Friday night rolls around and we get decked out. It was a sports-themed party and the whole family was invited.

While we were waiting at the make-shift coat check (adorable), one of Izzy's moms (Leslie) yells out "you're lucky you're here or I was going to be really mad!" We went in and said hi to Izzy and met her other mom (Rhonda) and her little sister, Olivia, who is four. Izzy was dressed in her soccer stuff, just like Jack.

They gave hula hoops out to the kids for a few songs, and we learned three things:

1. Jack is a hula hoop savant. He says he learned from Wii Fit.

2. Hula hoops leave welts if they hit your face. (That was Izzy. Tough kid though, she bounced right back. I don't have a pic. That would have been weird.)

3. Jack's idea of sharing his hoop with Izzy meant having both of them in it at once.

Jack and Izzy were perfectly adorable. She seems as enamored with him as he is with her. Whenever something happened that they were both a little nervous about - the drawing for a contest, lining up for the limbo, gathering to do a dance all together - they stuck to each other like glue.

Jack's teacher played basketball against me in college so we like to flaunt our Carleton-ness for her. She wasn't at the dance but we sent her this pic:

Ryk was a little nervous about this whole thing and spent the first part of the night in Chuck's arms.

Eventually he warmed up to it and we spent a good part of the time dancing our hearts out - ALL of us. Olivia, Ryker, Izzy, Jack, Chuck, Leslie, me and Rhonda. It was hilarious. We kept looking around laughing that the other parents weren't having nearly as much fun as we were.

By the end, Ryker clearly had his own crush on Izzy and Olivia both. They wanted to be chased, and he just wanted to hug them.

It was a blast.

My Love, In Tattoos

2012-01-18T22:03:00.000-06:00

A long time ago I decided I liked tattoos. I wanted one. I wanted something that meant something really special to me and would make me smile every time I looked at it. I wanted one to represent my mom and Chuck - the two most important people in my life. My mom and I have a thing about sunflowers. Chuck and my wedding song was At Last. I spent hours drawing those two things together, figuring out ways to incorporate them into one design. Hours turned to days, days to months. A year or two later, I was still talking about it incessantly, but was scared. Finally, Chuck told me to put up or shut up. It was the walk-in appointment day at the tattoo parlor I was going to go to, and Chuck told me I could either go get it that day, or SHUT UP ALREADY. (Okay, he probably didn't say it that harshly.) So off we went, and here's what happened (photo taken tonight - it was much more vibrant 8 years ago or whenever I got it):

When I was pregnant with Jack I started thinking that I'd like to have a tattoo to represent him too. After he was born I waited and waited, trying to think of what I'd like to get. We got our first-year portraits done, and one of them just stuck out to me. That was the one. Again, it took me awhile. I went the day before Mother's Day when Jack was one and a half. Here's that one - that's his foot in my hand, with his initials (JMV), but it's backwards because apparently I'm photo-challenged:

After that I knew I would have to get one for any other kids we might have. You know how second kids complain that our parents didn't fill out our baby books the way they did for their first kid? Yeah - well this would be MUCH worse. "Mom got a TATTOO for me and nothing for you! Ha ha! She loves me MORE!" Okay, so that was a done deal before Ryker was even a twinkle in our eye. Then the wall mural went up, and as Marianne (3rd generation family friend) painted the flag on the wall and harassed us for the initials of Baby To Be Named Later, I knew that would be the tattoo for him. Here's the Flickr set of photos of the nursery. This one took me a LONG time to go do. Not because I'm scared of the permanency, or the pain, or the needles, or wondering if it was the right thing to do. I was just nervous. Normal state for me, as you know. Anyway, I finally committed to doing it, thanks to some gentle nudges from friends and Dr. Tom. I went on Friday, loved the tattoo artist, and here it is. It's still healing, and the picture is a bit dark, but you'll get the idea:

I have one more planned, and it's for ME. I'll get that sooner rather than later, I hope. Then we'll see what happens. I told my tattoo artist I was going to be done then, maybe, and he looked up from his work and laughed at me. "Yeah, I've heard THAT before."

There Aren't Enough Wristbands

2012-01-09T21:25:00.000-06:00

Subtitle: Stop Reading if You Don't Want a Buzzkill

Does anyone else think the wheels have come off? Like...on the world? Does it feel like that to everyone else too? Just me? World ending? Mayan Calendar? Apocalypse now? Anyone?

I'm wearing a wristband to support my friend Sean. He was diagnosed with a very rare, very deadly disease. The websites devoted to this disease don't have any tabs called "Survival Stories". He has been in the hospital for four weeks now and has a ways to go before he can even go home. He's had chemo, full body radiation, and a bone marrow transplant. He has a five year old daughter.

One of my best friends, Nicki, is waiting to hear how bad her mom's cancer is. She was diagnosed as Stage IV back in November. We'll hear tomorrow what the prognosis is and what the treatment options are. Her father-in-law has two aneurysms that can't yet be operated on. Her mother-in-law passed away seven months ago.

My other best friend, Nikki (confusing, no?), has a mom who has been fighting cancer for a very long time, going in and out of "good" times. Nikki's boyfriend's mom has had major health issues and was in the hospital over the holidays.

Half of the people in my department at work (literally) have had close family members get diagnosed with cancer recently. Maybe more - those are the ones I know about.

There are more stories - really important ones - but I'll stop there. Like the old saying goes, "if I had a wristband for every person going through major life trauma, I wouldn't need sleeves on my shirts." Or something.

I keep wondering if it's just a weird coincidence or if my eyes are just open to it more now. Has it always been there? Struggles and heartache and hurt? Have I been too focused on my own business to see it, and now that my blinders are off I'm just seeing it EVERYWHERE? Am I finally at the stage in my life where this is the new normal?

I learned something about myself today. When the going gets tough, I do three things:

1. Workout
2. Clean
3. Teach my kids lessons

Poor kiddos. They made the very, very bad mistake of refusing the chili-mac Chuck was offering to make them for dinner. Chili-mac. I was halfway through the dishes I was doing, after I killed myself at the gym (all safe for my back, don't worry). I haven't done dishes in 2 months. It hurt.

The kids refused dinner. I said they should go to bed without dinner then, if they don't appreciate it. Maybe THEN they'd appreciate it. There are people who can't even swallow WATER right now, that are getting their food from a TUBE in their STOMACH and they would LOVE to be able to eat CHILI-MAC.

The kids freaked out. They didn't have any idea what to do. I texted Chuck to see if we should cave. After a good 15-20 minutes of them believing they were not getting fed, we decided (out loud) that if they didn't want the food we were offering, they could make their own. That wouldn't have been so bad, except they were already all worked up. Totally crying and running around the living room giving us hugs and asking if we loved them and sobbing some more. It was pitiful. Then a funny thing happened. They just calmed down. Jack found pizza in the fridge, Ryker said "k, here what we gonna do. ok. here." He sounded very convincing even though I don't think he was adding value at all. First order of business was figuring out how to open the tupperware. I've failed as a parent. They did figure it out, Jack microwaved it, and they spent the next few minutes commenting on how much they loved it and how appreciative they were. Ryker can't really say the word but he tries hard. "I pre-...pre-...she... it."

I put them in bed and told Jack how I was sorry we had to teach them that lesson but it's important. He asked why I wanted kids. HA. Then he asked how long I was going to live. Umm?

Anyway. Where was I going with this?

I'm sending SO much love and support out to all sorts of people. And I'm grateful that my biggest problem tonight was two healthy kids who refused to eat chili-mac.

I'll Regret This Later

2012-01-09T12:40:00.000-06:00

In the spirit of chronicling the lives of my young ones, and Chuck and me as parents, I'm going to out myself.

I'll regret this later.

I was picking Ryker up from school last week and one of the teachers pulled me aside and said that they were going to be moving him up to the upper preschool room. The way our school works is there is an infant room, toddler room, and then a lower and an upper preschool room.

My reaction? "Is he smart enough for that?"

I kid you not. That is the first thing that popped into my head, and I lost my filter a long time ago, so it came spilling right out of my mouth unabridged.

Here's the thing - it's not that I don't think Ryker is smart. It's just that he doesn't get the chance to show it to us that often, or I don't have a comparison. The comparison I DO have is Jackson, who is 3 years older and brilliant. Jack has conversations with me about democracy, the civil rights movement, physics, and social justice. (Okay, he has the physics discussion with Chuck, not me.) I have conferences with his teacher wherein she tells me that he's smart.

Ryker, on the other hand, is sort of like a pet. He's my little puppy. He's a goof and likes music and sports and doing anything Jackson does. But I have no barometer on his intelligence. He sits quietly while Jack and I have our discussions and then participates by yelling "booty!" once in awhile.

To be fair, I also used to pay attention to all the mile-markers with Jack. I was all OVER Baby Center's website to see what Jack should be doing and when, so I knew if he was doing something that OLDER babies were doing. Comparisons. With Ryker, I am not nearly as paranoid and don't have nearly as much time on my hands.

So I let that slip to the teacher. She looked at me with wide eyes and said "umm, yes. He's a really smart kid." I tried to not look surprised.

While I'm outing myself - my NEXT thought was "oh crap, I have another too-smart-for-his-own-good child."

Wish me luck.

Just Like Momma

2012-01-08T20:16:00.000-06:00

Last night Jack and I were reading a book about Monster Trucks that he purchased at the school book fair. We hadn't read it yet, and at one point it talked about shock absorbers. He found them on the trucks, but didn't know what they were. I said "you know how you can be in shock when something happens?" and I made a shocked face. He said yes. I said that that same thing can happen physically to you. I asked if he ever jumped down from a high place and had his feet and legs feel funny.

"Yes!" he said. "Also when I use screechy markers."

Being afflicted with all kinds of weird sensation woes, I knew immediately what he meant.

"When I use screechy markers, it makes my whole body feel stingy and weird. I don't like using them."

I know, baby. Me either.

Christmas with Boys

2011-12-27T20:24:00.000-06:00

What is Christmas morning like in a family full of girls? I picture the mom and dad sipping their coffee, watching the girls read and listen to music and play dolls together.

Here was OUR Christmas morning:

We tried to keep Tug and Kitty calm as the newest member of the family chased them around. His name is Cruncher and he's a baby dinosaur. No joke. He growls at you when you ignore him, attacks people when they walk by, and purrs when you pet him. The real animals are not amused.

We watched our kids move the couches around to capture all of the nano- and hexbugs that had escaped their "habitat."

We ducked as remote controlled helicopters (plural) took flight around the living room, soared over the TV, and crashed into the wall. We learned how to turn the helicopters off, or run them out of batteries so they couldn't fly anymore. The boys learned to turn them back on and charge them up themselves.

We helped the boys into the their new rollerblades, then helped them skate-walk around the driveway (did I mention there is no snow and it was in the 40s?). We soothed Jack through his first skating-related head injury. It wasn't bad, I promise.

We listened to Chuck show Jack how to play his first real electric guitar, and listened to Ryker play his new (hand-me-down from his brother, which was handed down to him from our neighbor Randy) acoustic guitar.

We picked up random shards of paper as Ryker cut up "notes" and Jack sifted through his new I'm Not Bored Anymore Art Jar, the top of which is filled with confetti. (Thanks Baby Oster.)

My mom was up here for the whole thing - and Grandma Bernice and Bob came for Christmas dinner. It was lovely, and we ate on my new Fiestaware plates (thanks Gaga and Papa!) and sat on our new barstools! So exciting!

Then we quickly cleaned up everything, because the cleaning crew was coming the next morning. That's a leftover present from last year (thanks again Grandmommy!). That morning, my mom and the kids hung out in the basement, away from the cleaners, and Chuck and I hung out at Caribou. Each of us had our idilic morning - Grandmommy with the boys, me reading a book and drinking coffee, Chuck entering all of his passwords into a new program and having them digitally encrypted (while drinking coffee). Wait, that makes it sound like Chuck and I don't like hanging with the boys. We do, clearly, but it was nice to take a break.

Then CHUCK suggested that he and I go to the Mall of America. What? He's a maverick - always on search for the best deals, and we came away with $8 jeans and sweaters, so he was right.

All this time we were nursing Ryker through a cough, runny nose and low-grade fever. This morning he complained of an ear ache and a doctor's visit told us he had a pretty bad ear infection. Now happily on meds, he and Jack packed themselves into Grandmommy's car and headed to StL with her. They were a day and a half late in their departure, but are looking forward to hanging out with Gaga and Papa and getting some really good Grandmommy time.

We are now sitting quietly in our clean house, with no dinosaurs or bugs scurrying, no helicopters flying, and no guitars whining. It's very calm, but a little weird. I'll enjoy this gift of quiet, but I do miss my little guys.

By the way, how awesome is my mom? She willingly took both boys with all their crap and instructions on what to do if Ryk's ear drum RUPTURES, and happily drove with them for 9 hours to get to StL. Awesome.

Holidays Are Busy

2011-12-24T15:35:00.000-06:00

I didn't update since December 11? Geez. I'll do general updates for you...

Ryker update:

He had his Holiday Program at school last week. He has been singing the songs and doing the little dances around the house for a long time. He got up on stage, smiled hugely and waved at us, then stood perfectly silently for the almost the entire program. He smiled nicely and clasped his hands together. Not a word. Not a dance move. All the teachers took turns trying to coax him into participating, and he would just shake his head no. They kept turning to me and shrugging. Hilarious. He did yell out one line of one song, which made the whole audience cheer, and then stood silently again. Afterwards he seemed perfectly pleased with himself.

He also continues to be fiercely loyal to his brother. If Jack is in a timeout, Ryker tries to spring him loose, or tell us that it's time to let him out. It's pretty cute.

Jack update:

He lost his first tooth! I got a call at work from the school nurse, who we happen to know anyway because she dates our neighbor across the street. She said "Jamie - Jackson lost his tooth!" and I said "exciting!" and she said "yes, but we can't find it, so you will want to watch him..." and then the call dropped. Ummm, watch for WHAT? Wouldn't it just...pass, or something? Anyway, he got the coveted Tooth Necklace, which is supposed to hold your tooth so you can take it home. Only his was empty. He made me write a note to the Tooth Fairy, which he dictated to me. It said "Dear Tooth Fairy, Jackson lost his tooth. He lost it for real." Then he said "Dear Jackson". I said "huh? Are we starting a new letter?" and he said "no, now write Dear Jackson". He thought closings are the same as openings. So cute. We put the note under his pillow and the Tooth Fairy brought him a shiny gold one-dollar coin with a picture of Abraham Lincoln on it. Score!

Jack has also decided he wants to help around the house a lot. Mostly he wants to cook. He now makes breakfast for Ryker (oatmeal and cereal usually - they are hobbits, remember?). He has also helped make spinach lasagna, and gingerbread cookies.

I'm still healing from the back injury. After every 8 physical and/or occupational therapy appointments, they have you see the spine doc for a re-evaluation. Mine was last week. He says I'm right on track. I've been given the entire circuit training routine to start, which is early for people in my condition. That's due to two things - 1) I was an athlete to start with, so I know most of these exercises, and 2) I couldn't DO anything for the first few appointments so they had lots of time to talk to me.

I'm in the first of two machines, but the doc wouldn't graduate me to the Big Girl Machine (my term). I was bummed about that. The machine that I work in right now is all about range of motion, adding in foot-pounds-of-pressure. I'm at 70 foot pounds right now, and they want me over 100. I'm getting there but they only add 5 pounds every appointment, and that's only the 1st of the 2 machines. They've finally found a position that my back will tolerate in traction, so every appointment ends with me getting pulled in half. It is a VERY weird feeling, but helps. The doc also checked all of my leg symptoms, which is the first order of business - getting the nerve pain out of my leg. My right calf is stronger than it was when I first went in, but I am still totally numb from the knee down on the outside of that leg, on the right side/bottom of my foot, and in my pinkie toe. I also still have zero reflex in my right achilles and behind my right knee.

So, that's the back update. All of THAT being said, I'm able to be back at work full days and to perform my job fairly normally. I'm able to help at home and be a mom and wife. So that's good. I told them, though, that I would rate my "progress" on a scale of 1-10 as a 3. The looked surprised and I said "I have high standards for where I want to be." They smiled.

Chuck's weathering the storm of having a not-as-helpful wife and two crazy boys really well. He's also losing crazy amounts of weight on a new eating/workout regiment. My Incredible Shrinking Husband.

Okay - those are the updates. I'm sure I'll be back to tell you all about Christmas too! Happy Christmas Eve everyone!

Months of Pictures

2011-12-11T22:20:00.001-06:00

Due to some technical difficulties, I haven't posted pics on Flickr for quite a while. I think I've caught up - click on the link on the right sidebar.

(Disclaimer: If you follow me on Facebook or Instagram, you've seen lots of these already.)

Christmas Lists and Default Answers

2011-12-11T22:06:00.000-06:00

I decided to have the kids dictate to me what they wanted on their Christmas lists this year. Generally we just come up with ideas on our own, but I thought they were old enough now to tell me what they want. I was also pretty sure it would make for a good blog post. I was right, at least for Ryker.

The conversation went just like this (I was typing as we were talking):

Momma: Ryker, what do you want for Christmas? We'll make a list for Santa and Grandmommy and Gaga and Papa and everyone.

Ryker: a phone (he means an iPhone)...silence...A toy. A pian-yo. A kitten.

Daddy: Ryker, do you mean you want your kitty-piano back? (We put it in toy jail because of his behavior.)

R: nods...silence...a Cwismas twee (staring at OUR Christmas tree) Dat's it. What do YOU want?

M: Well that's very sweet of you to ask, but we're making YOUR list right now. Can you think of anything else? Anything more specific?

R: Whatever dey got.

M: You get to say what you want Ryker. Like if someone went to a store, what would you want them to pick out for you?

R: Whatever dey got. A ball. Dat's it. Now yet's get da sweet. (he means the broom - "sweep")

Also, a random Ryker story for your amusement. Or mine, mostly.

We were in the car and I was trying to get him to say the words "ping pong." Earlier, we were in the basement and he was trying to get me to play that and he called it "ting tong" so I wanted him to say it for Chuck.

I said "Ryker, what's that game in the basement with the paddles that you wanted to play this morning?"

He paused, confused, and then goes "fsh". A few of my readers will understand that that is the answer to one of my favorite jokes:

Q: "What do you call a fish with no eyes?"
A: "Fsh"

Okay, that's hard to write because it's a play on words. Or on letters. I'm gonna stop explaining it now and hope you all just understand.

Anyway, I asked again, in another way. It was like playing Taboo or something. He patiently waited for me to rephrase, then paused again and said "fsh." I think it's hilarious that his default answer is fsh. Good boy.

Jack's default expression of disgust is "barnacles."

What's wrong with my children? And are they going to get beat up on the playground?

Things I'm Bad At

2011-12-07T21:04:00.000-06:00

Following is a list of things I can't wrap my brain around, no matter how hard I try.

1. Time zones - I just don't get how some places can decide to do it, some don't, sometimes you travel and skip whole days....

2. School Picture ordering - I'm fixing it, don't worry. We WILL have pictures of my kindergartener. And the customer service people at Lifetouch MIGHT know my name by now.

3. Quantum Physics - Umm, yeah

4. Indicia - Work thing, but I routinely mess it up.

5. Ironing - An hour ago I ironed my brand new shirt to the towel under it. We don't own an ironing board anymore. And then when I tried to peel it off, the shirt's threads pulled apart.

6. Phones, faxes, email - Okay, I kinda get this one in theory, but when you step back and look at it, it's kind of trippy.

7. The temp in my house - 67 degrees in the house in the summer feels fine, but in the winter it makes me FREEZE. Same temp.

8. Health insurance - Our new HSA confuses the crap out of me. Chuck spent the better part of 2 laps around a lake trying to get me to understand.

9. Kids growing - Anyone who has watched an infant grow into a talking person knows this feeling. But then I try to picture that it's a cell-by-cell kind of growth and then my brain hurts.

10. Corkage fees - Work joke.

Jack's Parent-Teacher Conference

2011-12-01T21:22:00.000-06:00

We had our first parent-teacher conference for Jack today. Hilarious. I knew a lot of what we were going to hear, based on three facts.

1. I am omniscient.
2. I know my kid really well.
3. I had emailed the teacher about a month ago and had a conversation about how he's doing.

I LOVE hearing about how Jack is doing. It gives us insights to how he behaves when he's not around us. It gives us validation about things we already know. It's also just hilarious.

We first talked about his academic progress. He's doing very well with literacy. He is doing even better than that with math. She said he seems to love it. We see that too. He is doing great with physical readiness (strange term, I thought), although when he colors he sometimes rushes and messes up. She showed us a picture that is all colored in "perfectly" except the right side, where he was totally out of the lines. She's like "and over here is where he heard he gets to play after he finishes." HA.

Then there is a section called Life Skills. Here - not so good. He needs improvement there. He talks too much (I don't know ANYONE like that). He is working on being more respectful to others who may be different (this made my heart hurt). He is working on working cooperatively with others and listening to others' ideas. He's really easily frustrated and doesn't want to try things until he knows he has mastered it (Chuck and I both don't know ANYONE like that).

It was great to talk to Mrs. George about all of this. She's great and very willing to work with us. Life skills.

Thanksgiving

2011-11-28T10:40:00.000-06:00

Geez - I haven't updated in weeks. Oops.

First, a brief update of my back situation...

I've started rehab. Diagnosis is early degeneration (aka degenerative disc disease) in my L5-S1 disc (which looks like it's not even there on xrays), herniation in that disc and/or the L4-L5 or BOTH, and a pinched sciatic nerve. The herniation is hard to determine without an MRI, which none of my doctors want to do if we don't have to. But the spine doctor's evaluation of me shows a bit of both.

I have a new home - the rehab clinic. I'll be referring to it by its acronym, PDR. I had a one and a half hour doctor's evaluation. Then I had an hour evaluation with the occupational therapist (OT) and a couple days later an hour eval with the physical therapist (PT). I'll see the OT and PT on a rotating basis - two appointments a week - for awhile, and after 8 appointments I see the doc again. They all work together in the clinic and I LOVE it there. Great people, and spine and neck disorders are all they deal with. They keep telling me it'll be a long road, but I like a good challenge. =)

All of that aside, I was determined to go meet my newest (sort of) nephew, Oskar. It's our year to have Thanksgiving in StL, so we packed up and headed down there. I don't know if it was the fact that we had a baby in the house to play with, or that we had an entire week down there, or that our kids are a bit older and easier to manage, but this was a WONDERFUL trip. We had a blast. I got to see several of my friends, and to spend time with my family.

Oskar is ADORABLE. Just adorable. I loved getting to hold him and play with him and have my kids fawn all over him. Ryker was particularly enamored - wanting to hold him and kiss him every second. He dubbed him "Baby Oster". Kaya and Buster had to deal with the ever-present shadow called Jack. He LOVES them. Buster took his newfound role-model status very seriously and spent a good part of one dinner trying to convince Jack of the health benefits of salad. Kaya, being the oldest of the cousins, spent her time teaching us all about Columbia Slang and getting me addicted to new iPhone apps.

Being in the house with Charlie and BJ is like being in my second home (third, really, after my mom's, but that doesn't have the same ring). And getting to spend time with Christi and Beth is always amazing - they are my sisters is every way except the technicality of having the same mom and dad. Love you guys. Nik, of course, fits right in. We played many games of Bananagrams, my new favorite, and learned that Nik and Christi can make entire boards out of one theme.

And then there's my mom. I'm so, so, so thankful for her. She has always been an amazing mom, and now I get to watch her be an amazing "grandmommy" too. Love you Mommy!

It was a great trip. The return drive was less fun, but we're home. I love being in StL, but I also love my home up here. And now it's time to get back to work!

Monster Mash

2011-11-13T11:59:00.000-06:00

I don't know why, but this cracks me up every time.

Video of Jack doing the Monster Mash. Enjoy!

Chronicles of an Insomniac

2011-11-13T11:39:00.000-06:00

I've felt pretty guilty for making my mom and Chuck do everything around the house. Then I got my new meds (another course of steroids and a new med for nerve-pain).

Now I'm able to get up easier and walk easier, AND the steroids keep me awake. Really, really awake. And if I am finally able to fall asleep, the 'roids allow me to wake up SUPER FAST! So I'm ready to go when duty calls. No matter WHEN it calls. When my mom got the kids out of the house yesterday and I knew a friend was bringing food over, I managed to clean the island off and sweep the floor. I couldn't get the dirt pile into the dustpan and therefor into the garbage, but at least it was all congregated in one spot instead of spread out all over the house. Improvement.

Last night I read and read and read. It was better than my insomnia-induced late-night-tv marathon on Friday night - I watched every minute of the 10pm news, Jay Leno, Jimmy Fallon, and Carson Daly all in a row for the first time ever. Personal record and unremarkable all at once.

But back to last night. I decided to read instead of watch crappy tv. I finally fell asleep around 2am. At 2:45am Ryker was sad-moaning in his room. I was ready to help! Put me in, coach! I'm ready!! Apparently his "wip huwt wiwy wiwy bad." As all moms know, lip ailments are best cured by more sleep, and so I put him back to bed. His bed is really low to the ground so that's a little hard to manage but he didn't seem to mind me dropping the blankets on him from 5 feet up and I aimed well, so they covered him just fine.

Then at 4:50am Tugboat decided to get sick. My poor puppy. Only I forgot that I'm not 100% so when I was awoken from a dead-sleep by the sound of...well, you know...I attempted to JUMP out of bed. I froze, carefully folded myself back into my bed, and told Chuck he had to do it.

I guess I'm not completely independent yet. Getting better though.

Banjostrand Updates

2011-11-10T11:01:00.000-06:00

Presently, I'm sitting on the couch watching at home watching Ryker scream "I want to go back to my school!!!!" on the other couch, while messaging with my mom, who is sitting in the armchair. It's Thursday at 10:30.

I am here because my back is still hurt. I go in for blood work and X-rays tomorrow.

My mom is here because she's helping with the kids and rescuing us from certain insanity.

Ryker is here because we just faux-kicked him out of his daycare. He's been hitting the teachers, so we sent my mom to get him. We've been telling him that he's the first Van Nostrand to ever get kicked out of school.

Jack is at school. His update is that he stuck his tongue out at a 3rd grader. Why? Because the third grader said "hi Jackson" in the lunchroom. The nerve! Also, he tried to kiss a girl in his class. Izzy. My mom went to have lunch with him yesterday and sat with Izzy too and said that she is pretty and smart and talkative. After explaining that it's not okay for him to kiss someone at school, I told him that my mom said that Izzy was very pretty and nice. He goes "I KNOW! That's why I KISSED HER!"

Chuck is at work. And happily so.

Random Observations

2011-11-07T12:02:00.000-06:00

1. One of the side-effects of being on Vicodin is that you cannot remember its name. You'll call it Valium repeatedly.

2. You should wear deodorant. It works.

3. Three year olds are hard to understand sometimes. And when he commands your mom to bring you your food, she might misunderstand, take him at his (misunderstood) word, and bring you a spoon instead.

4. Having a numb foot makes it hard to put pants on.

5. You will never be more grateful for your iPhone than when you are forced to lay in bed for several days straight. Angry Birds, Instagram, and Words With Friends will become your best friends.

6. Showering is a privilege. But don't forget deodorant. See #2.

7. If your son feels badly enough for you, he'll actually give you money.

8. If your husband feels badly enough for you, he'll actually buy you a DVD player that streams Netflix so you can watch movies from the bed.

9. If your mom feels badly enough for you, she'll actually put up with both of your sons waking her up at 2:30am and not get in her car and drive back to StL.

That's it. Just 9 today. Time to lay down.

Reason #835 That My Mom Rules

2011-11-05T10:24:00.000-05:00

Grandmommy is up here again, unplanned trip this time. She's here to help with the kids and the house because of my hobbled-ness. Chuck has a cold and I have a badly pinched sciatic nerve. The kids have nothing physically wrong with them, but are crazy-in-the-head and acting like trolls. Yes, I just called my kids trolls. Maybe it's the meds talking.

We should talk about the meds. They are, to borrow a phrase from a dear friend, "cray cray." At first I was on two muscle relaxers. The night-time one made me sleepy and I have taken that almost every night for the last 2-3 weeks. The daytime one I took only once, and it made me giggle a lot and twiddle my fingers in the air all the time. I stopped taking that one.

I also was prescribed Vicodin, which I swore I would not take. That was until Wednesday, when the pain got so bad I couldn't walk. Then Vicodin sounded downright fantastic. It afforded me a whole 90 minutes of sleep. Hooray!

Thursday I was prescribed steroids. I didn't get the pack until 7pm, so I had to take all 6 of the 1st day doses in a 3 hour period. I also took a Vicodin, and slept until 4:45am, when I woke up and was READY to GO. Only I hurt too much to do anything, so I sat there playing games on my phone, writing emails, watching tv, and listening to my kids wander around the house. Apparently they get up at 5 but whisper and tiptoe around until 6, when Jack declares "Ryker - we can wake up now!"

My mom came up yesterday to help, which is the best idea ever. Smart woman. Now I can rest and recover more quickly and the kids don't have to deal with my boredom- and pain-induced crankiness.

Now I must get back to my Lord of the Rings trilogy movie marathon.

Halloween and Sciatica

2011-10-31T19:12:00.000-05:00

Halloween is quite possibly the hardest day to get my kids up and out the door. Jack was supposed to have his costume WITH him but not ON him, along with his lunch and his daily folder. Ryker was supposed to have his lunch, his blanket because it's Monday, no show and tell items because it's NOT Tuesday, and a costume either on or off of him. Poor second child.

That would have made the morning challenging enough without the added fun of having terrible sciatic nerve pain shooting down my leg. Long story, but I have a history of back ailments. This round has morphed from lower back pain to achiness, to full-on pinched nerve. It's awesome. I don't know if my intrepid readers have had it, but it is NOT pretty.

So this morning I could not will myself out of bed. Chuck had left for work already. Jack decided about two weeks ago that he will walk himself to the bus stop sans escort, thank you very much. He was in and out of my room for half an hour asking if it was time yet. When it WAS time, he gave me a hug and ran off through the house.

I heard the door open, then slam shut. Then open again and Ryker's voice yelling "SASSIN! You can't go yet! Dere's dat big twuck dere! Watch OUT Sassin!" And then Jack's voice "Ryker - it's okay. I see the truck!" And then Ryker's voice again "SASSIN! You forgot your nunch bag!!!" And then "Oh! Thanks Ryk!" and the door slamming again. Running through the house. And then "no Ryk, I HAVE IT already!" Door opening. Now I'm yelling (from my bed, through two walls) "Jackson GET GOING or you'll MISS YOUR BUS!!!" Then "It's okay Momma! Ryker thought I forgot my lunch but I really didn't!" Door slamming again. Opening again. Ryker yelling "BYE SASSIN!!!"

After about 30 more minutes of me snoozing my alarm, Ryker came into my room and said "Momma, you need get UP now."

Good thing I have my 3 year old to see my 6 year old off to the bus stop and wake me up.

I got him to school, got him dressed (wrong order - he was supposed to be in costume upon arrival), and got up to my work. Then we all got home, fed, and cleaned the house for the random families that end up coming in to hang out tonight.

It was a good thing I had a Yedi Master around, because in the middle of the evening hustle I somehow managed to get my foot stuck in the baby gate downstairs, and because of my back I couldn't bend down to release myself. It was like a bear trap. Here is Yoda healing me. He said "it's okay now, I put cweam on it."

Now I'm trying to rest my back on the couch, with some red wine, my computer, and "The Hulk" playing on the TV. Chuck, Darth, Yoda and one of our neighbor families are off and running through the neighborhood.

The Birds and the Bees - Ryker Edition

2011-10-26T17:46:00.000-05:00

This morning I was driving Ryker to school, and we had the following conversation.

Ryker: Who gave us dis house?
Me: No one gave it to us, sweetie, we bought it.
R: We bought it? You and Daddy?
M: Yes, Daddy and I bought it.
R: And den we move in? Me and Sassin and Daddy and you?
M: No, just Jack and Mommy and Daddy. You weren't born yet.
R: Me and Sassin?
M: No, just you -- YOU weren't born yet so we moved in and then you were born later.

Long pause.

R: (in a horribly mournful voice) Mommy, I was SOOO SAD....because you weren't dere when I was born.
M: (laughing) Umm, yes I was. You came out of my tummy. I was definitely there.
R: (pause) You ATE me????

The Darth Side

2011-10-25T21:51:00.000-05:00

Make a pact with me, okay? Please don't correct Jack this Halloween. He is so perfectly adorable and innocent and it will be gone too soon.

Too soon, he'll realize that he was "Darth" Vader, not "Dark" Vader, for Halloween. And then he'll realize it's really unlikely that a weapon would be called a Life Saver. He'll wield a light saber and dress up as Darth Vader and say "Luuuuke, I am your faaaaaather" instead of "bwaahaaahaaa".

And then he'll steal Ryker's innocence by correcting him when he yells "I'm your daddy, Lukie!"

I know that day will come - just give me a few more moments to savor their 6 and 3 year old views of the Darth Side, okay?

Deal?

Halloween on the Farm

2011-10-16T22:43:00.000-05:00

I learned a new joke the other day. It's kind of an adult joke, but probably fine for this blog.

Q: What do you call sexy farm animals?
A: Brown chicken brown cow (said like "bowchicabowwow"- if you still don't get it, call me)

Recently Jack told me he wants to be a chicken for Halloween. He said it again in the car the other day. I quickly encouraged Ryker to be a brown cow so Chuck and I could make that joke for the next couple weeks.

Ryker said no, that he wants to be a chicken also. Two chickens. Fine. Then Jack suggested that Chuck be the farmer. Good. I asked what I got to be. Ryker said "big cat hen."

So that brings our total to two chickens (neither of them brown, I don't think), one farmer, and one big cat hen. I'll take pics.

Waterpark

2011-10-09T19:58:00.001-05:00

There are a few things that really motivate my children. Ice cream is one. The neighbors are another. But the biggest one? The Waterpark of America.

We have used this as extra incentive before, where Jack had to fill a sticker chart to earn a trip there. Ryker was a baby, so we had Grandmommy along with us to keep an eye on him.

Awhile back we began a family marble jar. We wanted Ryker in on the action and something that we as a family could work towards. That kept Ryker cheering Jackson on and vice versa, because they knew they would benefit too. They chose the prize - a trip to the Waterpark of course.

It worked really well actually, and in a combination of being very close to the top of the jar, and our Groupon expiring, we decided today was the day to give them their reward.

I'm not sure how many of my readers have been there, or if our experience is unique, but getting INTO the Waterpark is the most harrowing part of the whole endeavor. You're GOLDEN once you make it in there.

Our entrance today took about 45 minutes. Thirty of that was spent by Chuck waiting in line with Ryker, and me waiting in the bathroom with Jack. Once that was in order, we got into the actual park, but couldn't figure out the lockers. We brought quarters. Silly us. $6 a locker. And if you want to use a credit card you can't go to one of the desks. They send you to the other one, who sends you back to the first one, who will NOW take your card. IQ test of some sort?

While Chuck was figuring the credit card/locker conundrum, I volunteered to take both boys up to the kid area. Off we went - Jack running in front of me and jumping into the pool area. I looked back at Ryker, who was holding my hand but suddenly not really moving. And there stood my baby, with blood all over his face and chest. He gets nosebleeds all the time so I'm fairly used to handling it, but Jack was now off somewhere and the other guests looked like they might faint, so I hustled Ryker back down the stairs and into the women's locker room, banking on the maturity and swimming prowess of my orphaned 6 year old. I cleaned Ryker up and raced him back out of the locker room and up the steps - back to Jack. Chuck was there by now and burst out laughing when he realized what happened.

So that was the entrance. The rest of the time went swimmingly. Get it? I took to hiding kleenex in random decorative plants so they were readily available when Ryker's nosebleeds started up again. I got him to ride down the lazy river with me, which is a really great way to get him to cuddle - he clung to me like a little monkey the whole way around. I only got worried enough to scan for floating bodies ONCE, and that was when Jack hadn't made it back around the lazy river in 20 minutes. It's not that lazy. Turns out he had found Chuck halfway around and bailed to go back up to the kiddie area.

Anyway, we truly had a blast. The kids had so much fun and were so well behaved. Neither wanted anything to do with the bigger tube slides, but Chuck took full advantage and I went down the body slide once, which was plenty. Jack even tried the body board thing all by himself. It was AWESOME!

Here we are during the entrance exam (the only pics we took all day).

Now we're back home and got the kids to bed about an hour early. They are pruny and tired but happy happy babies.

Fresh

2011-09-27T22:42:00.000-05:00

The blog needed a fresh look. Ugly? Okay? Don't say a word about the picture not filling the width of the page. I tried for far too long to get it right and finally gave up. I think it'll be a nice little daily reminder of how persistent I can be even when I fail in the end. There's a lesson in there, right?

Tonight I worked on the blog template, but prior to that, I worked on a bunch of things with Jack. Things discussed and/or solved at bedtime:

1: Jack initially said he "doesn't like his life" - in response to which I almost fainted. After some careful prying, I deduced that what he MEANT was that he was upset that he was rushed in the morning and had to take too long in the bathroom. (I'm SO SORRY Teenage Jack, when you go back and read this. Momma's just trying to explain this epiphany to her readers...). See #s 2 and 3.

2: I will attempt to wake up earlier to hang out with him longer in the morning.

3: He will now have prunes or apricots at dinner. We'll leave that one right there.

4: We might take on a version of praying at bedtime.

5: With Chuck's help, I recounted the life of Jesus and his death. I'm not kidding. Not that someone would joke about that.

6: Again, with Chuck's help, we tried to explain the concept of the Holy Ghost.

7: Jack decided that he might very well follow in the footsteps of many in Chuck's family and study theology. And yes, he now knows that word. Do you think at school they'll ask the kids what they want to be when they grow up, and after hearing "doctor, astronaut, fire fighter..." from the other children, he'll respond with "theologian"?

8: Chuck and I decided that Jack might well be Manning (Chuck's late father) reincarnated.

9: Jack is no longer anti-School Picture Day.

10: God did not die, and Jesus was not shot like Abraham Lincoln and Martin Luther King Jr.

It was a long, long bedtime, but Jack seemed pleased.

In related news, Ryker went on a field trip to pick apples at the "Apple Church" - and no, that's not it's real name. Rykerisms never cease to put a smile on our faces.

Jack's 6th Birthday Weekend

2011-09-25T22:17:00.000-05:00

Six year olds pay attention to how much celebrating they get to do. Jack milked this birthday for all it was worth, and we had a great time spoiling him.

It started on his actual birthday, Thursday. I had CJ, his idol and next door neighbor, come with me to take him to school. Ryker, CJ and I traipsed into the school, got visitor nametags, waited with him, and then marched him down to his classroom with his treats for the class. He felt REALLY special.

That night we let him choose where to eat. He picked IHOP. Someday he'll deny that IHOP was his favorite restaurant, but this blog is here to prove it. And to embarrass him. But back to IHOP. Right when the waitress came, Ryker yells "it's Sassin's birfday!!!" We translated for her. Jack asked her several times when, exactly, they were going to sing to him.

Then Friday Grandmommy arrived (always makes the boys SOOO happy) and he got to go shopping with Uncle Ry Ry and Grandpa Mark (a favorite birthday tradition). Ryker got to go too, and then they got to have ice cream. I had to work late, but when I finally caught up with them back at the house, Ryker was running laps around the great room with a new kid-sized shopping cart and Jack was playing with a huge new crane and making bird calls with a water-whistle. I slept in a hotel. I heard the rest of the weekend was lovely.

Just kidding.

Saturday was party-day. Jack's favorite people kept arriving - Gaga, Papa, Ry Ry, Grandpa, Grandma Bernice ("Gram-eece" according to Ryker), Uncle Bob, Uncle Dave, Jill, Nicki, Cullen, the Hayes' kids, Payten, Chuckie & Samantha, old daycare buddies, Miss Mari & Miss Kristy & Miss Pryanthi (all from Ryker's school - Jack's old school), BBall Aunties Kari & Abby & Lisa - as well as lots of other people who Jack tracked on briefly but are friends and family of Chuck and mine (no offense to any of you who are reading this! He's six!). The party was mostly kids running around screaming and playing and the adults eating and talking and enjoying the beautiful fall day. Oh, and sugar. Lots and lots of sugar.

After the party we opened presents and played with all the new toys. They all make noise too. SCORE! There are some pretty sweet toys though, even a kid-version of beer pong. Hilarious. He's going to go to some kegger sometime and say "I'm AWESOME at this - I've been playing since I was SIX!" And then he'll never get drunk, right?

Later Saturday night we had one of MY favorites - Brasa. YUMMY! And more sugar, of course.

Sunday we had two waves of breakfast - first with Charlie and BJ, until they had to run to the airport to start their ten hour trek back to StL, and then with Ryan and my dad, until THEY had to run off to the airport too. Then we had quiet time. I'm not actually sure it was quiet for everyone else, but it was SILENT for me because I had my pillow wrapped around my head and was sound asleep.

After MY nap, we went to another of our favorites, The Tavern on France. It's fairly yummy and fairly inexpensive and you can have gigantic beers and yummy fries. AND, for dessert you can make smores at your table. It was AWESOME. Ryker thought we had lost our minds and stared at the flame in total awe until Jack stood with him, and until he caught site of the marshmallows. Then he was fine. He asked to eat the melted flame-goo once the fire went out. I think he'll eat anything.

So that was the weekend. Thanks to EVERYONE who came out for it. I kept telling Jack how great it was that all those friends came, and how special it was to have 5 people all come into town especially for this. He's very loved. Me too!

Pics

2011-09-11T19:33:00.002-05:00

I just put a bunch more pictures on the Flickr site - don't forget to check them out! The newest ones are always posted to the thumbnails to the right.

Bad Idea

2011-09-11T17:45:00.000-05:00

It really seemed like a harmless enough project. I have wanted to redo the kids' bathroom since we moved in here. The people before us did two colors with this froggy/caterpillar/praying mantis border going through the middle of the wall. It was sort of cute for a boy bathroom, but the border was peeling off and they didn't do a very good job painting.

We didn't have plans this weekend, so I thought this would be a good accomplishment.

This was a bad idea, for the following reasons:

1. We tried to peel some of the paper off, which was fun and a good bonding thing for Jack and me. It stopped being fun when I had paper stuck under my finger nails and it was all over the floor and I couldn't straighten my fingers out anymore.

2. To take the rest of the wallpaper off you have to spray this gooey stuff on the wall. It's gross and gets everywhere. And after about 2 hours of working with it, I read the fine print on the bottle. It said in big letters on the front that it was non-toxic, but the warnings said that it contains a chemical known to the state of California to cause cancer.

3. The project-time doubled when I learned about the cancerness of the gel, because I then had to wash my hands every 14 seconds.

4. I had to tape and I hate taping. It falls down.

5. This is a BATHROOM I'm painting. Bathrooms are small rooms to be locked into with noxious fumes.

6. Bathrooms (especially bathrooms used by small boys) smell badly to begin with.

7. Bathrooms have tiny walls, so you can't get much done with rollers, and there is no where to turn around.

8. Bathrooms have toilets, which cannot be removed and don't actually touch the wall, but you have to paint behind them anyway. To get around the weird configuration of the toilet, I had to contort myself and get nastily smooshed up against it. Read #6 again.

9. Jack and Ryker REALLY like to help do things, so I had at least one companion in the tiny bathroom the entire time.

10. In moments of clarity I'd remember that those are my babies who are now covered in cancer goo and breathing noxious fumes, so I'd have to remove them from the bathroom and wash their hands over and over again.

Now there is one coat up and I quit. I'll do another coat whenever I forget how much I disliked the process, or whenever the ugliness of the first attempt gets to me.

Three Days of K

2011-09-09T23:40:00.000-05:00

It's official. Jack LOVES kindergarten. Loves it. He made three new friends on the first day - none of whom have names that he remembers. He liked his teacher, liked what they did, liked the bus. Each day has been the same report.

The transition hasn't been ALL smiles though. He's discombobulated and throwing smallish fits at night. He is defiant. He comes right out of it, apologizes, gets really lovey dovey. He slept on our floor for most of the night last night.

Ryker is not a happy camper either, in his own little Rykie kind of way. I asked him last night how he was doing without Jackson at his same school. He goes "it okay. But I not happy." I said "what?" and he goes "I not happy cuz Sassin not dare wif me." UGH.

So it's a work in progress. I expected this. Par for the course with Jack and transitions, but we're working through it.

And here's a Ryker story for you all. We've been reading "Llama Llama Red Pajama" every night for awhile now. My mom brought the book and was the first one to hear this. So one of the pages says:

Baby Llama, don't you know?
Momma Llama loves you so

Ryker says "...much." Like we forgot a word. He's never heard that phrase stall out on "so". We love him "so much."

Now he does that every single time we read it. He doesn't make a big deal about it, just quietly adds it in. What must he think about us? "Mommy and Daddy and Grandmommy just can't get this story right."

Kindergarten Eve

2011-09-06T22:07:00.000-05:00

It feels like the lead-up to "school" has been super long. It's this THING that comes up over and over again. We talk to him about it, we talked to his daycare providers about it, we talk to family and friends about it. "Well, when he goes to kindergarten..."

I spent several days in the spring going up there, filling out paperwork, taking him to various places for various assessments. Last week was the Open House. Today was the orientation. All leads to tomorrow.

I haven't cried yet. Is that weird? I almost cried dropping Ryker off at school this morning. Jack had stayed home with my mom because the orientation was at 2. I was taking Ryker to daycare, and he was in the backseat hugging his blanket. We got a block away from school and he goes "Momma...why it only me?" Oh my God.

So here's what we know. He goes to the neighborhood public school, and his teacher is Mrs. George. Turns out I played basketball against her in college. Ha! She seems really great. I love his classroom - it's high tech (she has one of 8 Smart Boards in the school and it's AWESOME - Chuck and I tried to play with it at the Open House but couldn't figure it out), it's bright and airy and filled with all kinds of stuff to keep the kids learning and moving and curious. She keeps them moving also, which I liked. She ran us through what the day looks like normally, and I in turn ran my mom through it. She spent most of her professional career as a first grade teacher. She loved what we told her about the classroom so that makes me feel better.

Nonetheless, my little guy rides the bus for the first time tomorrow. By himself. Well not by himself, per se, but not with anyone he knows. And then goes to a big new school with big new people and big new things.

My BABY. If you all need any reminding, it's THIS kid starting school tomorrow:

Quotes

2011-08-25T21:51:00.000-05:00

Some funny quotes from this week.

Jack:
Jack was putting his book away at bedtime and really absentmindedly says "You're better than I thought." I said "at what?" and he turns around and goes "like, being nice...."

"I'm better at being NICE than you thought????" (as I attacked him and tickled the crap out of him)

WHAT?

Ryker:
As I was putting him in bed the other night, he asked to hold my hand "for jus couple minutes." This is a request every night. He was kind of hyper so I held his hand and talked very quietly to him.

me: "I love you Ryker. Daddy loves you. Jackson loves you." (still fidgeting) "Grandmommy loves you. Grandma Bernice loves you. Bob loves you."
Ryker: "Doze siwy guys..."
me: "Who?"
R: "Gwampa Mark..."
me: "...and Uncle Ry Ry?"
R: "Yes. Dey yuv me."
me: "Yes, they do."
R: "...and Santa. He yuv me. And Cwisti and Bef. Dey yuv me. And Gaga and Papa - dey yuv me too...and Bwody and Owen (kids at school) - dey yike me.....me."
me: "Yes, they all love you."
R: "...Me. I yuv me."

How awesome is that? Hilarious!

He also says the same things every night to me as I say good night and try to leave him room. It's always some variance on the following:

"I no want you go to sweep now. I want you do your work. And do da dishes. And watch tv - watch baseball, okay? You get your computer. And keep dat gate open jus a wittle bit. And don't forget about brekfast, k?"

Disposable Income

2011-08-21T22:11:00.000-05:00

Well, it happened. Chuck got the permanent job at Best Buy. It hasn't been announced at the company, so (1) if you work at Best Buy, oopsies and HUSH YOUR MOUTH, and (2) if you get an urge to write something on his Facebook wall or any other public place, don't.

Okay, now that that's out of the way, I thought it was funny how Chuck and I both reacted to the not-quite-as-tight-purse-strings.

I wanted to eat out a lot. I also bought a new dress, shirt and boots for work.

Chuck also went on a mini-shopping spree. His purchases, not including normal groceries: a label-maker, a new crockpot, a salad-spinner, and the most ginormous bottle of vodka I've ever seen.

Ryker Reads Winnie the Pooh

2011-08-15T19:25:00.001-05:00

Here is a video I just found, taken maybe a month ago, of Ryker reading Winnie the Pooh. I miss him while he's at Camp Grandmommy and thus have watched this three times today.

Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GUBNDppl3j8

Vacation!

2011-08-15T14:19:00.000-05:00

I love vacation. I have two parts to this one.

Part 1: Vacation in Dubuque.

Why Dubuque? Well, I was trying to concoct a nice little anniversary present for Chuck and me. My mom agreed to meet us in Iowa (halfway between Mpls and StL) and take the kids back to StL with her as her part of the present. I decided that we would head to some quaint little town in Iowa for a few days before Chuck needed to get back to work. Dubuque seemed as good as any.

On Friday we drove down to Waterloo, met my mom and ate lunch together, then threw the kids in her car and screeched out of the parking lot. Not really. I couldn't watch as they drove away. Something feels so WEIRD about sending your kids away with someone else. And all we talked about for the beginning of the REST of our drive was how confused the kids looked as we packed them and their things in a different car and shut the doors. But they have Grandmommy and that is HEAVEN to them.

We stayed in this fancy hotel in Dubuque that has been renovated, and we had a corner suite with a whirlpool. There were windows all over the place, and the ceilings were really tall and it was REALLY nice. And I slept for 12 hours. Ahhhh.

Saturday morning we got coffee at this cute little coffee shop. I sat in an awesome chair and he took a picture, then threw this huge tin thing on my lap and I frowned because I knew, without knowing what the tin thing SAID, that he was making fun of me. Here's the shot to prove it. He's such a romantic, isn't he?

Then we went downtown and walked around on the River Walk and watched a train come through while we waited for the winery to open.

Then we did a wine tasting, which I've never done. It was so much fun. The woman was great and pouring generously. And that's sort of funny because it was noon and Chuck and I hadn't eaten a thing since the night before. AND she gave me Ghirardelli dark chocolates and they were so good. She poured them into a napkin for me to take home when we were done. We bought three bottles of wine from her.

Then we ate lunch and headed over to Galena. I had never heard of it, but they had a brewery and we thought that would be fun. We drove into town and it looked like a normal little sleepy old town. Only it's NOT sleepy because there were HOARDS of people walking up and down the streets. We got to the brewery and asked the lady what was going on and she looked confused. I was like "why are there so many people here?" and she was like "oh, it's like this every weekend". Weird. We walked around for awhile and ran into a wine shop - Jamie's Wine Shop. Ha. The sign was too high over the door so we couldn't get a picture of me with it, but we went in and it was CROWDED, of course, because apparently that's how it always is. I asked the woman if SHE was Jamie and she said no and I explained. Turns out they have a label too, so we are now the proud owners of a bottle of a Jamie cab. I'll let you know how it is.

Back in Dubuque, we drove around downtown and tried to find an ATM. We found it, and also found THIS (look carefully, that's me at the bottom of the pitchfork):

Saturday night we went to the casino. The sports bar in there was delicious. We played video poker and figured out that I am a SPEED gambler. I have no idea why, but I play really, really quickly. Chuck was laughing at me. I lost $20. Chuck won $2.

Then Sunday came and we had to head out. On the way back, however, I spotted the town that the Field of Dreams was set in, and decided a quick visit was in order. Who can pass that up? Chuck, for one. But he told me it was all me and kept talking about me "livin' the dream" and that little joke seemed to keep him entertained enough, so off we went. It was ADORABLE. They keep it up really well and it totally is the FIELD OF DREAMS, complete with the corn fields in the outfield. Awesome. We rounded the bases and everything. That's me coming out of the corn just like the players, and crossing home plate. Score.

Then back on the road and home again home again.

Now starts Part 2 - the Staycation. Yay! But I miss my babies. Thanks to Grandmommy for taking good care of them and letting us have a little quiet time.

Wheels Have Come Off

2011-08-05T13:26:00.000-05:00

I generally try to keep this blog from being too centered on my complaints about things. That's not why you three read it. =) You read it to keep tabs on my family and see cute pictures of the kids and hear funny quotes from them. Fine. I actually have a whole separate blog which I use as a dumping ground for the multitude of thoughts that come pouring out of me every day. I keep you guys away from that, and for that you should be exceedingly grateful.

HOWEVER, it's not all unicorns and rainbows and this week, in particular, has been more like cockroaches and thunderstorms. And I'm gonna vent now.

I already started down this path with the last post, about our A/C problems. We had a couple estimates come through and they are dollar amounts I just don't like to see. It's something we need to do, that's fine. But I don't have to like it. And it looks like it won't be able to be done for another week or two.

Also, my mom had a little scare. She is now the proud owner of a stent, and she didn't actually have a heart attack, so that was good. No damage that way. But it would have been nice to just not have her have to deal with that.

Then Jack went to the dentist this morning, for the first time. Don't call the authorities on me. He has 3 cavities and by some lapse in judgement I don't have him covered on my dental insurance. Awesome.

Work is crazy stressful too, so that isn't helping.

Make it all go away.

Signs Your House is Too Hot

2011-08-03T12:01:00.000-05:00

We have been on a new little adventure. I have affectionately dubbed it Realizing How Much We Took Air Conditioning For Granted. Catchy, no?

The repair guy came out Monday and tried to refill the coolant, which was empty. He could hear it leaking out as he poured. Apparently some THING chewed a giant hole in our compressor. This is the critter, as conjured by my vivid imagination (or, more specifically, as conjured by a google search for "monsters"):

So we have to replace our air conditioner, and the repair guy also dissed our furnace so we're likely replacing that as well.

With that as the intro, I bring you a list of ways you can tell that your house is too hot:

1. Your refrigerated butter melts as soon as you spread it on untoasted bread.
2. Your child asks you to read his books to him while he stands in front of his new fan.
3. You refuse your child's request (see #2) because he's blocking the air from cooling YOU off.
4. There are heat warnings, but you have your windows open because it's still hotter inside than out.
5. You take a shower, dry off, get dressed and go to the living room. Your child touches your neck and asks why you didn't dry off after your shower.
6. Your extremely frugal husband suddenly becomes a huge fan of dining out.

I hate ending lists on anything but 5s and 10s, but I have to get back to work. So there.

Things I Will Never Understand About My Children

2011-07-25T20:51:00.000-05:00

These are musings brought on by my own children, but most, if not all, will apply to other children too, I bet. That there was a sentence with four - count 'em FOUR - commas. And that there was one with two dashes. You guys are in for it.

1. Why does Jack insist on standing while eating at restaurants?
2. Why is Ryker's response to me telling him "you are a good hugger" to say "I'm good at Walgreens and I'm good at the gym"?
3. What is the fascination with cutting paper into tiny shards?
4. Why do they like the omega-3 vitamins so much? They FREAK OUT if we forget them.
5. Why does Ryker dislike changing his pull-up so much?
6. Why do they love playing in the water from the rain barrel? It's nasty.
7. Why does Ryker like sitting in Jack's carseat so much more than his own? They are exactly the same.
8. How can Jack NOT remember living in our old house, but remember the tree house that was in the backyard?
9. What is the obsession with straws?
10. How can they keep swinging the bat, trying to hit a ball, miss it 18 times in a row, and still grin as you get ready to pitch the 19th one? I'd be breaking the bat over my knee and stomping away by then.

Most Important Meal of the Day

2011-07-21T13:46:00.000-05:00

In our house, breakfast has become quite the hot topic.

Chuck and I are trying a different way of eating. I hate the term "diet" because it implies, to me, that I'm only temporarily changing my behavior. This new Thing we are doing just varies the timing of when you consume your calories. It doesn't reduce them at all. If you're curious, you can read more here.

Chuck has already lost 20 pounds. He's only been doing this for a few months, and he's healthy and happy and gaining strength and feels great. My weight loss is coming along more slowly. But enough about me - did I mention Chuck has lost 20 pounds? He's the Incredible Shrinking Man.

As a side-note, he just sent me an article about a study that found that the mere taste of a sugary drink (Gatorade, etc.) will prompt you to perform better. You don't have to actually drink it, you just have to gargle with it. And you can't trick your mouth - it can't be calorie-free. There are receptors in your mouth that know the difference, and report back to your brain that you are about to have some CARBS and your brain says "well, then, GIDDY-UP!". Fascinating. I'm going to try walking around with a noodle in my mouth and see if that helps. Chuck thinks I'll have to rotate the noodle so my mouth doesn't get used to it.

Where was I?

Oh, breakfast...

So while Chuck and I are giving up breakfast (read the article, people), Ryker has developed a fascination with his own consumption of the Most Important Meal of the Day. Every night before bed we go through a series of statements - "Good night sweet boy....love you...sleep tight..." to which he replies "good night....sweep tight...don't forget 'bout bwek-fast."

Last night he woke up at 4:45am sobbing. I went in there and held his hand, which settled him down. He began to fall back asleep and I tried to remove my hand, which, of course, woke him back up. I said that it was the middle of the night and we needed to go to sleep. I said that Mommy and Daddy should both be sleeping. He replied "I don't want Mommy and Daddy to be sweeping. I want you make bwekfast."

Museum Mom

2011-07-16T10:11:00.000-05:00

Jack had his first art class at the museum this past week. It was centered around crickets. He had a blast. The class is 1-4pm for a week. He got to leave school at lunchtime and come up to my museum. After his class he would wander around with me, meet my coworkers, and do other art projects in my office.

He made new friends - most notably Ross, who is the head of security for the museum. He LOVED Ross, and was fascinated by the fact that everyone in the whole museum had to follow the rules that Ross set for us. He also got to play with old friends. He loves Emily and wanted to hang with her a lot. He also loves Jill, who offices right next to me. That provided endless entertainment, as he could draw pictures and sneak into her office to drop them off, then run away, giggling, to hide somewhere.

Yesterday he had his art show, which is the culmination of his week. Parents are invited to be there. I took some liberties with that invite, and let Jack open up the guest list a bit. When it was time for the guests to go in the room and stand behind their artist, Jack's corner was crammed with me, Chuck, Emily, Lori, Jill and Mike. Mary stopped in too. Benefits of having a mom who works at the museum.

Have I said recently how lucky I am to work there? It has it's stressful moments, sure, but on the whole I love it. It's endlessly challenging, I learn every day, and I get to be around beautiful art and the people who appreciate it. And now I get to share that with my kids too.

Growing Boys

2011-07-13T13:42:00.000-05:00

Jack is up at the museum with me every afternoon this week for an art class. He's feeling very independent and loving his new Big Boy status.

In that spirit, he has decided that he will now go into the men's restroom. I waited outside (obviously, can you IMAGINE what my male coworkers would do if I tried to stand in there waiting for him?!).

When he came back out he goes "Momma - the toilets in there are GINORMOUS! Like, Ryker could just walk right into one of them."

It took me a second to realize what he was talking about.

"You mean the ones on the wall, with no walls, that are NOT in women's bathrooms?"

"Yes! And they don't flush."

Reactive Baby

2011-07-06T13:00:00.000-05:00

Ryker's at it again. That boy is determined to make every hair on my head go gray.

Last night we found two bug bites on the inside of his thigh. They were red and raised and then had a ring of red around them, with another ring of lighter red around those. I brought in the children's benadryl and he FREAKED OUT. My mom put that on some bug bites of his awhile back and he cried and cried. I didn't think that stuff was supposed to hurt. Apparently I'm wrong. He let us put the gel on the bites but cried for awhile and insisted on holding a washcloth. (???)

I scoured the internet after he went to bed to figure out what it could be, and Lyme disease came up as the most likely culprit. This time *I* freaked out.

At 7:59am I called the doctor to schedule an appointment. Chuck took him in. The doctor said that Lyme's is a possibility, but it's also possible that he has a skin infection of some sort. She can treat both with antibiotics, so that's what we're doing. The problem is that Ryker, we think, is allergic to the 'cillins and also cephalosporins. Those are the two major categories of drugs they use to treat these types of things. So now he has to take two different anti-biotics, one of which makes their tummies hurt.

Between bug bites, thunderstorms, tummy aches and fireworks, I don't think Ryker, or I, will get a good night's sleep for awhile. Poor monkey.

Ryker's 3rd Birthday Party

2011-07-03T20:53:00.000-05:00

After months of awful cold, crazy rain, and some tornados, we had a wonderful day for Ryker's 3rd Birthday Party. It was gorgeous. It was over the 4th of July weekend, so we missed out on some folks but the ones that were here made Ryker feel very loved.

He loved running around with family and friends. He came back inside once every 7 minutes asking if it was time for his birthday yet - Ryker code for "is it time for cupcakes?" I'd say "nope" and he'd go "oh. okay!" and take off running again.

By a twist of fate and ironic timing, we got to welcome Chuck's cousin Maren and her daughter Julia. They live in Washington, so we rarely get to see them. The Van Nostrands are a small bunch - my brother-in-law says they reproduce like pandas - so having Chuck's brother, mom, uncle, two aunts, two cousins and a second cousin there was a rare treat.

Here's a picture of Chuck's second cousin, Julia, with Ryk and Jack. We went ahead and told them she was a cousin. No harm no foul. I think Jack's giving her a tour of our garden.

And here is a sampling of Van Nostrands, with an Emily thrown in for good measure. (She is my former coworker, whose daughter is 14 HOURS older than Ryk.)

And finally, here is the video of us singing to Ryk. My favorite part is the dramatic entrance by Miss Norma at the very end. She was one of the former daycare providers for Jack and Ryk and has known both of them since they were born.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJxvMqjg5yk
Thanks to all for making it special! Same Bat-Time, same Bat-Channel in September for Jackson's party.

Things I Love

2011-07-01T14:38:00.000-05:00

Several friends have been doing Love Lists on their blogs recently so I thought I'd join in the fun...

--I love new babies! Welcome Oskar!
--I love the name Oskar Anders Karlsson.
--I love that Jack is still such a little kid that he actually asked me to ask Beth to put Oskar in an envelope and mail him here so Jack could meet him.
--I love that Jack is so mature, on the other hand, that I had a whole conversation with him this morning about the government shut-down.
--I love checking things off a to-do list.
--I love that Nicki is making me stuffed red peppers for my dinner tonight even though she SHOULD be getting her own family ready to head to the lake.
--I love that I get to be around art and smart, talented people all day.
--I love that Jack still says "bee-smorning." Please let no one correct him on that one.
--I love watching Jack help Ryker learn to do new things.
--I love that my mom helps me spend more time with my husband by taking the kiddos for us.
--I love when one of the guys I always play basketball with screams at a teammate for leaving me open. "You CAN'T LEAVE HER, man!"

So Fresh and So Clean

2011-06-29T10:44:00.000-05:00

If anyone is looking for gift ideas (big ones) for a young family, look no further. Give them a cleaning service for a year. This was my mom's present to us for Christmas. It took me forever to actually pick a service and get it all squared away, but we are now the proud owners(?) of professional cleaners.

I joke that the only reason my mom wanted to do that was so her grandbabies didn't have to live in a filthy house, but whatever the reason, this gift was GENIUS.

They will come monthly, and the first visit is a deep cleaning where they get every single nook and cranny, and then go back and get it again. Every subsequent visit is maintenance.

The first cleaning was yesterday. Chuck went home for it so he could let them in, and to make sure Tugboat didn't freak out. He was working on his laptop while they were cleaning, and at one point they kindly told him he might want to step outside, as it was "really dusty" in there. Ouch.

When I got home the difference was immediately noticeable. It smelled better. I could walk around without my shoes and not have fur on my feet. (Gross, I know.) Everything was dusted. The sink was GLEAMING. The kids' rooms were ADORABLE and all the beds were made. My duvet cover and comforter were united. My tub has never looked that good, nor has my shower. And there were no animal or human pawprints ANYWHERE.

I made the kids and Chuck parade around with me oohing and aahing. I clearly am more enthralled with this than they are. It made me SO HAPPY.

So there you have it. If you want to do something HUGE for someone, make their house so fresh and so clean.

All Grown Up

2011-06-23T21:18:00.000-05:00

My little guys are growing up. Inch by inch, literally. They are growing big and strong and smart and funny.

Tomorrow is Ryker's 3rd birthday. 3rd. How did that happen? I've done his birth story already (click here if you haven't read it, or want to re-read it).

It's amazing to me, as always, how much he has changed. And what I love is how DIFFERENT he is from Jackson. I remember when I first knew I was pregnant with him, and I wanted a girl baby so badly (shhh, don't tell). One of my reasons was that I felt like we had "done" the boy baby thing already. Check. I wanted something new, and gender just seemed to be the obvious way to ensure we had a completely different experience. Well, we got it. Ryker is a different boy from Jack, and the experience has been different. More challenging in some ways, easier in some, funnier in some, more stressful is some. We've gone from thinking he was perfectly healthy, to thinking he might have Cystic Fibrosis (remember THAT?!), to figuring out he was really, really allergic to some meds, and back to knowing he was healthy. And huge. I have to say, the most endearing quality we've seen so far in him is his love for Jack. He just loves him, and will protect him to no end. I love that.

Not to be outdone by Ryker's birthday, Jack has had his chance to shine recently as he gets ready to enter kindergarten. Today we had to do his early childhood screening. I read the paperwork last night because I'm a bad, procrastinating mom like that, and found out that he was actually supposed to be screened between ages 3.5 and 4. I repeat: bad, procrastinating mom. Anyway, he did AMAZINGLY well. Stud. The screener was talking to me later and was like "umm, yeah, he did VERY well. I didn't even have to prompt him or given him examples. He's very bright." Awwww... Oh, and he was one inch away from literally being off of her height chart. Ha! 95th% in height and weight.

My big boys. Happy happy mom.

Corduroy - the Video

2011-06-20T21:15:00.001-05:00

Ryker has progressed with his rendition of Corduroy, and now you can see for yourself.

A few things to note:

1. He requested that we make this movie. It's the 3rd attempt, on three different nights. First attempt was 12 minutes, second was 7, and this is 6 - a new personal best.

2. It was really hot in his room, so he's only in his pull-up.

3. I think we must say "oh my gosh" too much.

4. That big thing going up his side is a "temporary" tattoo, which has not come off in 3 weeks. It's a zebra.

5. The red dots on him are bug bites, not chicken pox.

Without further ado:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zdtspSbJNfE

There's No Place Like Home

2011-06-20T14:13:00.000-05:00

...except I'm lucky enough to have several of them. My home sweet home in Bloomington. My home at my mom's house. My home at my aunt and uncle's house. My home at Nicki's. And my home at Carleton.

We had our 10th year reunion at Carleton this past weekend. What an amazing time.

But to back up, I had a huge panic attack Friday morning before Nikki and I left [I have two Ni(c)k(k)is]. I got nervous about the drive down there - that it would take too long and I'd feel sick. I was anxious about being down there and sharing bathrooms (that sends me into panic sometimes). I was nervous that I'd get down there and not feel well and I would have to miss all of the fun stuff. I got nervous that there would be no down-time.

Here's why that is significant - after my Ni(c)k(k)is let me breathe, then calmed me down and forced me into the car, I felt fine. I was fine. We got down to Carleton and all I wanted to do was run around and find people and reconnect and talk to everyone. I just LOVE CARLETON. I love the people. I love the campus. I love the vibe.

Nikki and I did reunion RIGHT this year. We went to a lecture. We spent quality time together. We attempted the class parade - got drenched, but attempted it. We went to Convocation and were able to witness the amazing generosity of other classes (can you say "$7.1 MILLION"????). I had goosebumps. We played trivia. We bought old Carleton gear. We did our class photo, and sat front and center. We had 2 nights-worth of gyro pizza. We sat and had the funniest conversation I will ever have in my entire life. (It's a little sad for me to know that my funniest conversation is over and done-with, but I'll cherish the memories. It's all downhill from here. And for Steph and Nik and Dotty and whoever else might be reading this - Armageddon. Tales from 5th reunion. the Kindle. Banny LaDance. That's what she said.) We danced and stayed up too late.

It was a blast. I was reminded of friends who I have lost touch with, but who are hilarious and awesome.

And if anyone asks - I cured polio. Cure B.

OCD - The Sound List

2011-06-13T12:44:00.000-05:00

Christi called it in the comment section of the last post. Our sensory issues extend to sounds. Here are the sounds I cannot handle.

-Breathing (I wish I was kidding about that)
-Chewing noises
-Swallowing noises
-Cracking of joints
-Crackling of food wrappers
-Utensils on dishes
-Styrofoam (yes, it makes noises)
-Pens tapping

Again, there are more, I'm sure. Chuck can probably name them all.

I would like to take this chance to point out, as you are all sitting there shaking your collective heads in judgment, that it is NOT FUN to have this malady. I don't CHOOSE this. It makes eating with people and going to movies a horrid experience. I come away physically exhausted from shuddering and holding my hands over my ears. Plus I look like a weirdo.

We think Ryker might be developing this one, by the way. He seems abnormally tuned in, and bothered by, noises around him.

Sigh...

The OCD Doesn't Fall Far From the Tree

2011-06-10T21:53:00.000-05:00

This morning Jack was playing in the entryway and found an extra tub of sidewalk chalk. He showed me, then announced that when he touches certain things, like paper and chalk, his whole body feels funny. Then he goes "even saying the words makes me feel weird sometimes."

Those of you who know me really well, and especially Christi, who shares these afflictions, are laughing right now.

I have a thing about textures. I can't use certain kinds of silverware because it makes my skin tingle and my teeth hurt. I can't touch my fingers, most importantly my nails, to certain kinds of towels. Unfortunately, it's the cheap kinds. I can't touch chalkboards (many people share that one with me, but they generally stop there I think). I'm not fond of chalk either. I hate paper, both because of the texture and because I'm terrified of paper cuts. I can't touch the chips in our plates because the unglazed ceramic makes my whole body shiver.

There are more, but I'm forgetting them now. (Christi - what am I forgetting???)

Anyway, poor Chuck. He's going to have two of us in this house who are afraid of inanimate objects.

Registering for Kindergarten

2011-06-06T12:43:00.000-05:00

Today I'm annoyed. I tried this morning to get everything ready to register Jack for kindergarten - officially. The process is next to impossible. I'm not kidding. I need a NOTARIZED version of his birth certificate. I need his immunizations, plus a form filled out by his doc. I need a bajillion pieces of paper filled out by me.

I called the school to make sure I could send in what I have completed, and send the supporting documents later, just so he's on their records and lists and whatnot. I'm getting antsy. The secretary was very nice. She said sure, and then said she could take a bunch of info now and get him on their lists. Great. So we did that and then she goes "half day or full day" because the state only pays for half. I said full. She said "paying?" and I said yes. She goes "oh, you must have talked to Patty."

Umm, no. "No, I didn't talk to Patty. Who is Patty? SHOULD I talk to Patty?"

Secretary: "Oh, well how do you know you're in full day then?"
Me: "I guess I don't. I'd like for Jack to be in full day, and we'll pay."
S: "Well, it's a numbers game. I'll put down that you are requesting that and I'll get back to you....I know I know your name from somewhere...."
M: "Well, my mom brought him up to visit a kindergarten classroom a few weeks ago."
S: "Yes, that was it! So was he assessed then?"
M: "No. He just visited the classroom."
S: "Oh, well he'll need to be assessed."
M: "Is that different than Early Childhood Screening? Because I have THAT set up already."
S: "Yes, this is different. When are you available to bring him in?"

Seriously? And it's only for 15 minutes. What are they possibly going to learn about my child in 15 minutes that will affect anything? They'll learn that he is very shy around new people, that he sucks his thumb still, and that he has gorgeous blue eyes - but that's only IF they can see him when he's hiding behind me with his face buried in the small of my back. Does THAT get us into full day? Are they looking for bribes?

I don't know how anyone figures this stuff out. I'm generally a smart person, with access to a computer and a phone and the ability to take time to make a personal call from work. Not everyone has that luxury.

It will be a miracle if this child actually gets to start school in the fall. I'll throw a party.

Speaking of which, Ryker's bday party is July 2. Save the date. Everyone's invited. If I get my act together soon, I'll send an email out. If I don't have your email address, consider yourself invited anyway. Unless you're the neighbor with the criminal record. You are NOT invited, unless you are also a notary public and want to help us get Jack's paperwork ready.

Corduroy

2011-06-03T20:25:00.000-05:00

I was putting Jack in bed tonight, when Ryker marched in and announced that he could read Corduroy to us all by himself. He hopped up on the bed and got ready. He opened to the first page, then paused, looked at the front cover, and goes "what his name?"

Mom: "That's Corduroy."
Ryker: "Oh...okay. Code-woy was by eh-fant and juh-waff."
(shows picture to me and Jack, who is playing Angry Birds at this point on my phone.)
M: (smiles)
R: "No yaffing."
M: "I'm not laughing, I'm smiling because I like how you are reading to me."
R: "No smi-ying."
M: "Okay. Sorry."
R: "Okay...(going back to the book) What his name?"
M: "Corduroy."
R: "Oh. And what HIS name is?" (pointing to the next page)
M: "Corduroy."
R: "Oh. Okay. Code-woy saw stairs. He walkin on dah stairs. See?" (showing the picture to Jack, who isn't watching, and me, who isn't smiling.)
M: (nodding)
R: "Don't go yike dis." (mimes nodding)
M: "Okay, sorry."
R: "It ok...(back to the book) What his name?"
M: "Corduroy."
R: "Okay...and what DIS?" (pointing at the escalator in the picture)
Chuck: "That's an escalator."
R: "What?"
C: "Escalator."
R: "Okay. Code-woy go up da esk-yatoh."

So this goes on for awhile. Every time he shows me a picture, I have to not laugh, not smile, and not nod.

Finally I lost it and cracked up laughing. I had tears streaming down my face. I couldn't stop laughing. I was talking through my laughing fit and saying "it's so hard not to laugh or smile!" He thought I was crying from sadness, so he leaned over (I was laying down), hugged me and kissed me, and goes "dat okay Mommy, you can yaff. It ok."

Music Education

2011-05-26T14:46:00.000-05:00

Jack and Ryker and I listen to music all the time. Past favorites of theirs, as you might recall, are Michael Buble and the Beatles. The other morning the Beastie Boys came on and Ryker immediately started head banging and clapping. So I guess that's on the list.

For awhile it was "1, 2, 3, 4" by the Plain White T's. Good choice.

More recently Jack has been requesting "Hit the Road Jack" by Ray Charles. Another good choice.

This morning Jack said "Mommy, can we have that one that was on first thing when we got in the car yesterday?" It took me a second, and then I remembered that it was "Stand By Me."

About 3/4 of the way through it Jack is beaming and goes "I really, REALLY like this song."

Then we got to school and he announced "I fink I will wuv dat song and 'Hit the Wode Jack' for my whole entire wife."

Spring Performance

2011-05-25T21:24:00.000-05:00

My kids had their spring performance at school yesterday. Jack is a seasoned veteran of these. I've lost track, I think this might be his 4th performance? 5th? Bad mom.

This also marked the second time he's graduated. He graduated from pre-school last year but missed the cut-off for kindergarten, so he stayed at his same school. They kept him busy with other work, and feel like he's really completed kindergarten now, so he got to graduate again. Ironically, he had visited the kindergarten he'll attend next year that same morning. Visit kindergarten, wait seven hours, graduate from kindergarten.

The program was awesome, as usual. The kids are hilarious. If you're having a bad day, go watch some tiny kids singing and dancing. Or crying, as the case may be.

Jack got to start things off. He stood in front of everyone and said in a very loud and clear voice "Pweeze stand for da national anfum." Adorable.

Jack sang and danced. I have videos but they won't upload so you'll have to wait. Ryker mostly stuffed his bandana in his mouth and waved at us.

Here are some pics. They're blurry.

An Infant or a Drop-Leaf Table

2011-05-25T13:46:00.000-05:00

One of my coworkers has dubbed me The Most Baby-Crazed Person Who Does Not Want a Baby that she knows.

It's true.

I honestly do NOT want a baby. I'm done with being pregnant, being up at all hours, and being permanently attached to another human being. Our two boys keep us running enough, thank you very much. Plus I don't feel like moving into a zone defense. I made a living, while playing basketball, at finding the holes in zone defenses and exploiting them. (Follow that, all you non-sportos?) I'm not really in the mood to perpetually have one of my children find themselves "open."

What I want is to hug babies up until they begin to cry or need a diaper changed or start talking-back. Then I want to hand them off to their proper caregiver.

I also need something NEW. I'm nesting, for no good reason. I am cleaning and purging and organizing and threatening to paint several of the rooms in the house. I told Chuck that instead of a baby, I'd take a four new bar stools and a dining set.

Is that black-mail? Threatening your husband with another child, or at the very least a whiny baby-crazed wife, if he does not buy you new home furnishings?

Bull Riding 2011

2011-05-09T11:56:00.000-05:00

We have a tradition with Uncle Ry Ry and Grandpa Mark where we all meet up in Des Moines, IA in May for Professional Bull Riding (PBR). The first year was a learning experience for us, wherein we learned that everything we thought we knew about bull riding (and the treatment of the bulls) was wrong. Now we've been several times and sort of feel like we know what's going on.

We drove down on Friday evening and checked into the hotel. The boys were a dream in the car. Traveling is getting easier as the boys get bigger. DVDs can be watched all the way through now, as opposed to the 20 minutes they used to last. We also had the aid of our new Family Marble Jar. Each of us earns a marble for exceedingly good behavior, or random acts of kindness, or any other time Chuck and I feel like it. Once the jar is filled, we'll get to go to the Water Park of America. More on that later, I'm sure.

The hotel presented a first for the boys - Ryker was NOT in a crib, and the boys would share the foldout couch. I threatened life and limb if they got up in the night. Ryker got up anyway - four times. Oh well. Saturday we got up, had breakfast with Ry Ry and Grandpa and then walked around the largest farmer's market I have ever seen. Then the boys headed off on a shopping trip. They arrived back at the hotel with brand new cowboy hats. They were THRILLED.

Jack could not have looked MORE like a cowboy. It was hilarious. Ryker doesn't really have the same build as a rider, but looked adorable anyway.

Dinner was at an amazing steakhouse, where we had a private room and were treated like celebrities. Ry Ry was the amazing uncle he always is, taking the boys for walks around the restaurant whenever they asked. At one point he had Jack curled around his torso, in what he calls a Koala Hug, and was holding Ryker's hand walking through this fancy place.

As a side note of endorsement, if you ever are in Des Moines, you have got to go there - 801. I had an amazing filet and the yummiest mac and cheese I've ever had, along with an amazing cabernet.

From there we went to the arena. We had seats in the 3rd row. It was awesome. Grandpa had earplugs for Ryker, because the introductions are LOUD:

Ryker was entirely confused for the duration of the event. He was a good sport though. Jack loved it. At one point he was sitting in his seat, holding his hat high above his head. I told him he should probably lower it so the people behind him could see past him. He goes "but I want everyone to SEE IT." So proud of his new hat. I was in heaven because I have a slight crush on the rodeo clown, Flint. Love him.

The kids were up way past their bedtime but were angels the whole time. We got them in bed as fast as we could. At 3:30am I awoke to Jack standing next to me, sobbing. He said he was running to tell me something and forgot our door was closed. He ran straight into it. As I'm talking to him, I heard a "blah!" sound from the other room. I asked Jack what he was coming to tell me, and he goes "oh, Ryker is throwing up."

We got Ryker cleaned up, housekeeping got us new sheets, and they were back in bed 15 minutes later. We got through the 4 hour drive without further incident, and have some good stories to tell.

Thanks to Grandpa and Uncle Ry Ry for an amazing trip!!

Crickets

2011-05-05T17:09:00.000-05:00

I just signed Jackson up for his first art class at the museum. I've been dying to do this but he wasn't old enough. He gets to come here for three hours a day, every day, for one week in July. We'll get him up here at lunch and then I can take him home with me. His class? Crazy About Crickets. "Let's take a journey to China, where crickets have been kept as pets for thousands of years. We'll take on a cricket's persona and illustrate a "day-in-the-life" story, telling about its adventures inside the museum."

How cute is that?

So he gets to go up in the galleries and look at art related to crickets, and then come down to the studios and make his own pet cage filled with clay crickets! He's apparently also going to illustrate poems he has written about bugs in a Chinese style. Ha! Good luck to the teachers with that one.

Anyway, I'm pumped. It's not until July. I can't wait!

Home Sick

2011-05-04T11:30:00.000-05:00

This time it's Jack. Chuck had it, I had it, now Jack has it. Although he is far less whiny about it.

I just brought him home and I'm getting him settled. He just came up to me and goes (I'm typing this as he's speaking):

"Mommy, I want one of those things that Pay-ten (that's how he pronounces it - very emphatically separating the Pay from the Ten) has. It's a flat thing and you swap (slap) it on your wrist but it doesn't hurt. And it is a mag-a-net and it has negative and positive mag-a-nets. And you hit it on you and it gets the power from your wrist. I fink dats how it works. And it stays there but it's easy to take off and if you have an owie you shouldn't wear it, even doe it won't hurt. Even if you fink it won't hurt it sometimes will."

Random Tidbits

2011-05-02T22:16:00.000-05:00

I seem incapable of stringing together coherent stories.

1. Jack wanted to get his hair shaved off. I let him. His rationale? His previous faux hawk left hair on the top half of his forehead - and no freckles were there. He said he wanted the hair gone so he could have freckles all over. SO CUTE.

2. I had Ryker help me garden over the weekend. We have tall grasses and I told him that we needed to take the dead grass off the top so the little baby grasses could see the sun. He thought about that while he helped, then announced that his baby was coming. I asked who his baby was and he said "John Legend." Then for thirty minutes we gardened and he told me all about Baby John Legend, who apparently is going to land on the roof and then JUMP JUMP JUMP and JUMP down and then land in the grasses, and he needs a big crib because he can climb all over. And he eats mac n cheese. This morning he was eating and goes "where IS my baby John Legend?" and looked all around him.

3. If you read Facebook or Twitter you'll know this already, but this morning I left the boys watching Scooby Doo, via Netflix. Our remotes and crazy sound system are hard to navigate through. Really, really hard to navigate through. I thought it was fine. I went into the bathroom to get ready. When I came into the bedroom again, I did not hear Scooby Doo. Instead, I heard a news correspondent. I came into the living room to find that they had turned off Netflix, turned on our satellite, and were watching Wolf Blitzer explain that bin Laden was dead.

4. Ryker has been experimenting with independence. Most children do that at his age - and they show it by going to the bathroom by themselves, trying to dress themselves, etc. Ryker took it a bit further. While we all sat at the neighbors' house, Ryker took it upon himself to go back to our house, let himself in, grab some DVDs and a pad of paper, and bring them back to Nicki's. I scolded him. He did it again, this time retrieving an energy bar. Like he needs more energy.

5. My favorite of Ryker's new pronunciations:
--"dee-vee-dee-vees" (DVDs)
--"Scooby Doobie" (Scooby Doo)
--"Pickle Me" (Despicable Me)
--"I no yike you." (I don't like you. -- And yes, we hear this.)

6. Jack wants us to write notes and put them in an envelope he made. He taped it to the wall with a pen attached to it. He said that when the envelope gets full, we'll take it off the wall and give it to a child who is not behaving. I was with him until that part. I asked what we are supposed to write and he said "like 'BEHAVE' or 'We don't hit'." Ha.

Never a dull moment.

Happy Easter Y'All

2011-04-24T09:27:00.000-05:00

We were a bit late on the uptake, only buying our dyeable eggs last night, but the kids had fun anyway. We picked up a few very cute helpers from the neighborhood. That's (L-R) Samantha, Jordan, Jack, Julia and Ryker. Ryker and the Fragility of Eggs didn't get along so well. His first one turned out cracked all over and covered in pizza sauce instead of dye. The rest turned out well though.

This morning the kids wandered around and found all of the eggs. It took them MAYBE 4 minutes. And so far this morning they have eaten no breakfast, one hardboiled egg each, and a bunch of Jelly Beans. And we're watching Despicable Me. Not the traditional Easter morning, I know. We're having fun though.

The Rest

2011-04-20T22:26:00.000-05:00

I forget sometimes that you all aren't in my head all day long. (And for that, you should all be very, very thankful.)

Here are the major points:

1. Chuck has been renewed at Best Buy, and is on a 3 month rolling contract. He has to wait every 3 months to see if he's asked back. Not ideal, but all indications look good that he will continue to be asked back. He likes the location and his coworkers, and the work is right up his alley. Keep your fingers crossed.

2. My job got turned upside down two weeks ago. We had another round of layoffs. I was spared, luckily. Two of my colleagues in our department were laid off, and several others throughout the museum. The shock of the layoffs and losing our friends, coupled with the task of trying to absorb the work, has made the last two weeks very tiring. Our department is set up to take on the responsibilities of the two that were let go, but it will take a LOT of work. Most of it falls on my team and one other team. It's going to be a challenge.

3. Jack will go to kindergarten this fall, but we're still not sure where. He is 42nd on the wait list at the school we want him to go to. It's a free public charter that is a block away from our house. We do know a #33 from last year that got in, so it's not out of the realm of possibility, but it doesn't look good. Otherwise he'll go to Indian Mounds - which is a good school, despite having the world's creepiest name.

4. Ryker thinks he's Santa. I'm not sure why. But every once in awhile he starts asking "what YOU want?" and then pretending to write it down. I wish for Peace and Love for All Mankind, and then new clothes and shoes. Chuck wishes for No Tantrums. Jack wishes for "a million of every kind of dollar." Brilliant.

5. A couple of stories:

One morning Tugboat came into the bedroom and shook off. She was wet. It was not raining. Ryker came in and goes "I keening up da waa-der." I said "what water?" and he got nervous, looked around, then goes "no waa-der. You want dis door cwosed? Okay" and BOLTED out. Ha.

Another morning he took it upon himself to make a carb-buffet. He brought out chips, a sleeve of Saltines, and a bag of bread crumbs.

Jack has been writing a lot. Mostly random words listed out, or simple sentences. Sometimes he puts sheets together and staples them, then deems them a "book." He's been adding pages recently that look like scribbling. My mom asked him what it said and he goes "I don't know. I can't read CURSIVE, Grandmommy!"

I was talking to Jack the other day about ways to make people happy. I was asking him what he thought he could do. His answers:
--"I could color them a picture."
--"I could give them a hug."
--"I could say nice things to them."
--"I could give them a kidney." (This one comes courtesy of Magic Neighbor Nicki, who actually DID donate a kidney to someone. Jack knows the story.)
--"I could give them some blood if they needed it and they were sad."
--"I could donate money to them."
How sweet is he?

Okay, that's most of the action you've missed. There you go.

Jack Update

2011-04-20T21:15:00.000-05:00

I've neglected this blog a bit and for that, I apologize.

I'll write two posts tonight - this one, catching you up on Jack's behavior, and a second that will update you all on our family in general.

So...there appears to have been a misunderstanding with regards to Jack's behavior. I can't really explain what happened except to say that there were some words used, like "aggressive," that got misconstrued, and then it all snowballed. We starting getting told every little thing, and we really were on him about not being nice to his friends. We thought that was what was going on. Today I cornered one of the lead teachers and made her clarify the situation. I asked if he was being malicious towards the other children. She said no, not at all, that it was all about him being bigger than the other kids and that he would accidentally run into them. That's normal. She said he was NOT mean at all and that the kids all love him.

He has things to work on. For sure. Chuck and I will own that, and we'll stay on him about it. But he is NOT being mean to other kids or doing stuff that's abnormal. We've been pestering him about doing something that he has NOT been doing, and for that I have tremendous Mommy Guilt.

After talking to Miss Christy, I went over to Jack. He was sitting on the rug waiting for their morning routine to start. I leaned down and hugged him and told him that I had a really good talk with Christy and I would tell him about it later. He goes "what did she say?" and I said "she said you were a good boy, Bud." He looked up at me and BEAMED. I almost cried.

Tonight I talked to him about it. I tried to explain what happened. It's hard enough for me to explain it to ADULTS, try a five year old. I told him that we thought this whole time that he was being mean to the children, and that's what we kept talking to him about. I said that I talked to Christy and she told me that he wasn't being mean, he was just being too rough with kids that aren't big like him.

I told him that I owed him an apology. He goes "that's okay Momma." Then he goes "why didn't you just talk to Christy before saying those things to me?" Oh my God.

So there you go. He is totally age appropriate.

It's Not Working

2011-04-12T20:41:00.000-05:00

Okay for real people - Jack is just not behaving well. He's throwing major tantrums at home and misbehaving at school. Someone PLEASE tell me this is a phase that 5 year olds go through.

At school I think it's that he's bored. When he's being challenged, like during work time, he is perfectly fine. But at playtime he's a terror. We've taken things away from him (privileges) and now we're going to go back to a sticker chart to reward the good days.

He's lucky that he's perfectly adorable.

Maybe it'll all be better when school starts?

The Shore

2011-04-03T21:52:00.000-05:00

Holy Moly Chuck and I needed a vacation. We haven't been on a trip without the kids EVER. For those of you doing the math, that makes it over five years. It was time.

We got a really swanky room in this newish resort on the North Shore (of Lake Superior). This is the unit we stayed in - the bottom floor was ours.

It isn't really skiing time, or hiking time, so we got a great deal. And because of that, we were virtually the only people there. We hiked around, played on the rocks, enjoyed the pool and hot tub - all without a single other person being around us. There were no waits at restaurants, and no other tourists wandering around the quaint little towns. It was wonderful. The food, I should mention, was outstanding. We ate SO MUCH FOOD and pretty much everything was great. That includes the Goober Burger in Grand Marais. It was a hamburger with peanut butter and mayo. Sounds nasty, I agree, but it was delicious.

Chuck spent the time taking pictures of nature. That's his happy place.

I spent my time crawling over the rocks like a little kid, then sitting down next to the lake, closing my eyes and listening to the waves. That's MY happy place.

We didn't really have an agenda, but on our way back from Grand Marais one day we spotted Cascade Falls, and decided to go back and hike it the next day. When we got there a family was coming back to their car and saying how dangerously icy it was. "Whatever" we thought, and entered the park. It was REALLY icy. We should have paid attention. We skidded past lots of these signs.

This was the sunrise out our window the final morning.

I rolled over and opened my eyes long enough to take it in, then promptly fell back asleep. Chuck was sitting next to the window watching it, then stayed up long enough to watch a deer walk straight up to our window. Not sure how I missed that. Anyway, it was a GREAT weekend. Big ups to my mom for watching the kiddos!

Carbo Load

2011-03-28T10:38:00.000-05:00

When left to his own devices - say, by lazy parents trying to sneak an extra 30 minutes of sleep in on a Sunday morning - Ryker will prepare the following buffet for his breakfast:

2 lollipops
1 sleeve of Saltines
1 bag of Ruffles
1 bag of bread crumbs

4am? Really?

2011-03-19T15:10:00.000-05:00

Ryker has been waking up crying. He's transitioning into the preschool room, which is stressing him out, and he just needs a little extra comfort. That's fine. For a few nights the crying has started at 11pm. I'm not asleep yet, so it's okay. I go in there and rock with him, then put him back down and he goes to sleep.

Last night he did not cry at 11. I thought he was maybe going to take the night off. Nope. He started crying at 3:45am. I decided to let him cry for awhile and see if he went back to sleep by himself. By 4am I heard Jack's door open. I heard Ryker's door open. (I don't think I've explained on the blog, but Jack has been springing Ryker from his crib every morning on weekends for several weeks now. I'll try to get a video of them reenacting this soon.) Then several doors opened and closed, and then there were two sets of feet running around and two voices whispering. They ran for a second, then Jack came in to our room and asked if I could turn a movie on for them. I went into the living room, and the light was on and Ryk was sitting on the couch. I said no, that it was THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT and to GET TO BED NOW. Jack went to turn the light off and I picked Ryker up to take him back to his room.

Jack said "As I was turning off the light, I was thinking that maybe Ryker would want to sleep in my bed with me." Ryker nodded. I was tired, and the thought of them sleeping together seemed perfectly adorable, so I agreed. ???

For the next 4 hours they were in and out of our room asking for things. At 4:40 I told them that they were NOT allowed out of Jack's room until the first number on the clock was an 8. Five minutes later Jack came in. "OUT!!!" I whisper-yelled and pointed at the door. "No Mommy, I'm in here because I think you said we could come out when the first number was a 4 and the others were 45. NO. That is NOT what I said. I said the first number had to be an 8. BACK TO BED. NOW.

I'm selling them.

Random Things That Moms Encounter

2011-03-16T14:54:00.000-05:00

Two of them, to be specific, and both occurred today.

1. When you are a mom, you sometimes will have a morning like this:

You will be preparing your two coffee cups for your morning journey to daycare and then to work. If you prepare less than two, you are likely to fall asleep and veer into a snow bank, because you live in Minnesota and it's March and there are obviously still 5 foot snow banks on the side of the road. So you're pouring your two travel mug-fulls and your toddler will come out of your 5 year old's room. He'll say that Joshun is 'tuck, but he'll say it so calmly that you will think he has used the wrong verb. You'll go into Joshun's room and at first glance only see the 5 year old's legs dangling from the top bunk, against the wall.

You'll adjust your eyes, hear the toddler repeat "Joshun 'tuck" and then you'll leap across the room. You'll get to where you can see the 5 year old, and yes, he is 'tuck - head and arms above the top bunk, mid-section wedged between the wall and the bars of the bed, and legs dangling down. You haven't DRANK your two cups of coffee yet, so the best and most immediate course of action that pops into your head is to pull on the bed frame so as to temporary dislodge the 5 year old. You'll do that, but of course he won't fall immediately down, he'll fall partway and then the frame will have fallen back into its original position and it will sort of hit him in the face and cause him to bite his lip. You'll finally get him un-'tuck and he'll start crying because of the lip and then your toddler will commence with reassuring him - hugging him tightly and petting his arm and saying "Joshun - you ok. You ok Joshun." Then he'll add "dare no monsters no. It ok."

All will be right again with the world, except your 5 year old will have blood on his chin when you drop him off at school.

2. When you are a mom, you will have Netflix suggest the following "Top 10" movies they think you will enjoy, based on your history with them:

-The Spectacular Spider-man: Volume 3
-Wallace and Gromit: Loaf and Death
-The Spectacular Spider-man: Volume 2
-Bob the Builder: Trains and Treehouses
-Touching the Void (a documentary about a mountaineering trek gone awry)
-The Strawberry Shortcake Movie: Sky's the Limit
-Johnny Test: Season 1
-Angelina Ballerina: Love to Dance
-The Art of the Steal (a documentary about a collection of post-Impressionist paintings)
-The Cool School (a documentary about the modern art movement)

My Baby's Growing Up

2011-03-15T10:31:00.000-05:00

When I arrived at school this morning to drop the kids off, one of the teachers informed me that I was to leave Ryker in the preschool room instead of the toddler room. They've been transitioning him for about two weeks already but it still came as a surprise.

We were late getting there, so the kids had already begun their morning routine. They were all sitting in a circle around the edge of the big rug. Ryker looked confused, and a bit shy. I told Jack to make sure he helped Ryker and let him sit next to him. Jack circled the rug about 3 times, Ryker on his heels, trying to find an opening big enough for both of them. Then they settled down. Ryker smiled.

Every morning the kids sit in that circle and then they stand up and say the Pledge of Allegiance and then sing a couple patriotic songs with their hands over their hearts. They march around the circle too. It's hilarious. So Jack stood up and put his hand over his heart. Ryker had no idea what to do, so turned and faced Jack, right up next to him, to see what HE was doing. Then he put his left hand over his heart and pivoted back into his spot. He just stood there, and when they were singing he sort of swayed.

It was completely adorable. Ryker fits right into that group size-wise, but still seemed so LITTLE because he had no idea what to do. And Jack seemed so BIG, knowing everything and looking after his brother. What a cute pair.

Ryker - A Video

2011-03-14T20:08:00.003-05:00

I've been trying to take videos of Ryker for awhile, but he always resists. And a two year old resisting sounds something like "AHHHH! NOOOOOO! Momma I no want dat now! Put away!"

Tonight I tricked him, hidden camera style. He had no idea. I have to preface this video though, after watching it myself. I sound like a total goof, and here's why. Over the weekend he pretended to talk on the phone, and said he was talking to "Muddah" (Mother). I said that I was Mother and he said "No, you Mommy. I talkin to Muddah." It was funny and intriguing all at the same time, so I tried to get him to do it again. That's why I keep asking him about it.

A few words of translation:

Muddah = Mother
Fu-Fub = Phineas and Ferb

And finally, for those of you who are not Elf fans, the ending is us practicing our quotes from the movie.

Enjoy!

Walking the Walk

2011-03-08T22:12:00.000-06:00

You wanna know what's crazy? Talking to your kid about fear when you have had panic disorder for as long as you can remember.

Jack is in a fearful stage. He's scared of the dark, scared to be places by himself. He makes Ryker tag along, or Tugboat, or one of us. It generally is fine, and I know it's a stage that he'll pass through. Even if he doesn't, I know the warning signs all too well and will be able to help him.

But assuming it's just normal kid-fear, I am trying to work him through it. Some days it's harder than others, and some days my patience is just not there. The other day he was throwing a huge tantrum, and I told him to go to his room to calm down. He refused, and said he was scared (while stomping and yelling). I was pretty close to the end of my rope with him already, so I made him go. I told him he had nothing to fear and it would be fine. He sat in his room and guilt swept over me. Fear is a sore subject with me - it pushes my buttons.

So I brought him out when it was time and we talked about why he was sent to his room in the first place. Apologies, hugs, all the Super Nanny stuff. Then I sat down on the ground to talk to him about his fears. "I get scared all the time," I told him. "Someday I'll tell you more about that, but for now, you just have to trust me that you are going to be fine."

He brought up that someone could come into our house and take things. True. I don't want to lie to the kid about stuff like that - so I said yes, that someone could do that. But I told him that worrying about it isn't going to help anything. Worrying about it won't make it happen, or keep it from happening. It's never happened before, and we make good choices about safety, and we can know that and focus on positive things instead.

I'm blatantly stealing talking points from my therapist, watering them down, and spitting them back out at Jack. I don't think I'm doing a very good job of it, to be honest. It's going to be a tough road, trying to not be a hypocrite. But he and Ryker are the best motivation I could hope for to keep going working on my own issues with anxiety. I need to lead by example. And my speech will get better, I hope.

Note to Bullies

2011-03-01T22:48:00.000-06:00

A word of warning to any bullies out there that might want to pick on Jack when he gets older:

He has a gigantic "little" brother who takes it extremely seriously if you do anything remotely threatening.

Jack likes to play this game with me where he says "you can NEVER kiss me!" and I have to chase him and grab him and hold him down until he says "Okay, you can ALWAYS kiss me!" Then I release him and the game starts all over again. It's his favorite.

I tried to play the game once with him tonight, in the hallway, and Ryker shrieked and wound up like he was going to hit me. I put Jack back down and made him explain to Ryk that he was just fine. He did, and Ryker seemed okay again. About 10 minutes later I took off chasing Jack, a sneak attack, which made Jack yell with excitement, and I grabbed him and held him down on the couch. Ryker came racing over, screaming at the top of his lungs. He raised both hands over his head and started beating me on the shoulder until I let go of Jack. Then he just stood there with a sad look on his face until I scooped him up and hugged him. He was SO sad. Jack kept saying "Ryker, it's okay. Mommy wasn't hurting me. Mommy would never hurt me."

That, of course, is the moment Chuck came out from our bedroom. I'm sure he was wondering why Jack was having to convince Ryker that I would never hurt him.

Anyway, take note, everyone. Don't lay a hand on Jack or Ryker will personally beat the crap out of you.

Jack History

2011-02-24T13:31:00.000-06:00

One of my coworkers is lobbying for me to record Jack telling his version of American history. If he weren't so camera-shy, I'd TOTALLY do that. Until he loses his stage-fright, this blog will have to do.

If you've kept up with this blog, you'll know that Jack is obsessed with a few things - two of which are history and justice. As a side note, he seems to have caught on to Mommy and Daddy's strengths - as he asks Daddy all of his science questions and me all of his race/history/justice/feeling questions. I'm thrilled to be off the hook for explaining Creation or the Big Bang or where the dinosaurs went, but I do struggle keeping up with his versions of history and the questions that come with them.

We've talked at great length, and with great repetition, about Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King, Jr., Abraham Lincoln, George Washington, John F. Kennedy, the Civil Rights Movement, and the American Revolution.

Recently, Jack has been confusing all of the stories. He's woven them together in a particularly strange fashion, resulting in statements like "why didn't the African Americans just shoot the ship to get the flag?", which comes from combining the Americans' fight for freedom from the British and the African Americans' fight for freedom from the Man.

This morning we had a particularly lively discussion about "Avraham" Lincoln. It went something like this:

Jack: "If I had been there, I would have held up a piece of wood...with a piece of paper on it...and put it between them so they couldn't shoot at Avraham Lincoln and he'd still be alive. The bow and arrow would have just fallen to the ground."

Me: "Umm, well, that's nice that you'd want to protect him. You're sweet. But it wasn't bows and arrows. It was bullets."

J: "Can they go through wood?"

M: "Yes."

J: "Even really, really strong wood?"

M: "Yes. They can even go through some metal. But it's sweet that you would want to protect him. Good boy."

J: "Well how am I supposed to do THAT then? ... Why didn't anyone stop that man from killing Avraham Lincoln?"

M: "I don't know. But now they have what's called the Secret Service, and that is a bunch of people that go EVERYWHERE with the President. They keep him safe. And they've made a new kind of material to stop bullets."

J: "Why weren't the secretive people there with that stuff to stop the bullets and to help Avraham Lincoln?"

M: "Well, two things. First, they hadn't invented that special material yet. And second, I don't think they HAD a Secret Service before that. I think they made it later."

J: "I would get like 100 or 99 people and surround the President and then no one could get through."

M: "Good idea. And you wanna know something else cool? Whenever President Obama has to drive somewhere, they bring a whole bunch of cars that all look exactly the same. The President gets in one, but all of them drive in a big line to wherever they are going, so if you see it going by, you have no idea which one the President is in. That way anyone who MIGHT want to hurt the President can't get to him."

J: "So if Avraham Lincoln was in one car and there was a whole line up of them and they were all red, I wouldn't know which one Avraham Lincoln was in so I couldn't shoot him."

M: "But you wouldn't shoot Abraham Lincoln anyway."

J: "Right, cuz he's already dead."

Well okay then. That's one reason.

Multiple Choice

2011-02-22T20:36:00.000-06:00

Things that have sputtered, smoked, gone missing, and/or flat out died in the last 4 days. You can decide which was which...

1. the coffee grinder
2. the van
3. the keys to my mom's van
4. the snowblower
5. my swimsuit

I Win!

2011-02-19T21:23:00.000-06:00

Today I took Jackson down to Northfield. The plan was to see the women's/men's basketball double-header and then go to the retirement party for Leon, the long-time Athletic Director.

In the car, Jack kept asking if we were going to watch football.

Me: "No, it's basketball. We're going to watch basketball games."

Jack: "Why not football?"

M: "Because they don't play football right now."

J: "So what are we going to watch?"

M: "Basketball games."

J: "Mom, when you say 'basketball games' I think you mean two of them. You should just say 'basketball.'"

M: "Yes, Jack, I DO mean two of them. The women play and then the men play."

long pause

J: "I've never SEEN men play basketball."

I win.

Valentine's Day, Banjostrand Style

2011-02-14T20:29:00.000-06:00

The silly little stomach bug will NOT leave my family alone. We've all been through it at least once. And now it's raining on my Valentine's Day Parade.

I went to work today and Chuck sent me 3 dozen roses! THREE DOZEN! WEEEEE!!!! So sweet. My office smelled divine. So the day started really well.

Then I wanted to do a yummy dinner with Chuck, but the stupid stomach thing ruined that. I did convince him to go to Noodles with me, so we had a romantic dinner of pasta and Dr. Pepper with the kiddos.

We got home and Chuck needed to lay down. I spent 45 minutes trying to convince Ryker to go poop on the potty. I read him stories, I sang him songs, I made up funny characters that voiced their displeasure at him pooping in his pull-ups - to no avail.

Now I'm playing on the internet while Chuck goes to Walgreens in search of a miracle cure for his tummy.

Do I get a do-over?

Big Work Week and My Kids

2011-02-06T21:10:00.000-06:00

I sometimes feel guilty for working as much as I do. I think most working moms feel the same. But looking back on one of my biggest work weeks of the year, I think the kids will be just fine. I now envision them seeing big work weeks on the calendar and brimming with excitement. First of all, I was so tired through the week leading up to my big fundraising gala that I fed the kids a bunch of crap all week for dinner. They, of course, loved this. They had toaster waffles one night, mac n cheese two nights, and I took them to IHOP another night. That's my kids' dream epicurean line-up.

Saturday I had to get all spiffied up for my event. ("Spiffying," in my world, means I showered and shaved, combed my hair and painted my toenails. That's about it. I turned the rest over to Magic Neighbor Nicki, who fixed my hair so it would behave all night.) Chuck took the kids on errands so I could do all of that in peace. They got to run around with him, then got to go to a movie.

Today I needed to sleep, having arrived home at the unholy hour of 3am. I got up at 10:30, played with the kids and helped Chuck get them ready, and went back to bed until 2:30. They went to the zoo. I'll tell you how it went in the voice of Ryker, because it's much cuter that way.

Ryker: "Mommy, we went to the goom (zoo)! We see da monkeys! Monkeys and zeebas and poe bae-z (polar bears). We went goom Momma!" Chuck got amazing pictures, which I don't have on this computer but I'll put up later.

I also anticipated that I wouldn't want to cook tonight, so I pre-ordered a huge meal from Brasa, one of my favorite restaurants. Jack wasn't really feeling well, but Ryker got to enjoy cheesy grits and pulled pork. Yum.

So I don't think the kids are too scarred by my work week. Jack actually seemed to be thoroughly enamored with the concept of event fundraising, and wanted to talk about its finer points all week. For the record, he gets it more than most adults I know.

Plus they got EXTRA loving from me tonight because I missed them. Their cheeks are probably chapped from all the kisses.

Confidence

2011-01-25T22:27:00.000-06:00

I love Jack's comfort and confidence. I know it will likely diminish as he starts being more aware of his peers and their judgement of him. The desire to avoid ridicule and embarrassment will create inhibitions. I can see it starting already.

But for now he will run straight into his classroom and start telling elephant jokes. He'll freely walk up to kids he doesn't know and ask them to play with him. He tries new things and is eager to learn.

This really struck me tonight. When I arrived home Jack and Ryker announced that tonight we would be having a dance party. Jack was preparing some ropes, although I still have no idea what purpose they served. Ryker had a damp washcloth and was cleaning the surfaces of Jack's room in preparation. Finally it was time - Jack turned off the light and turned on the music. We've had a number of these parties already, and I know my place. He doesn't want ME to actually dance. He prefers I sit on his bed and watch HIM dance. This time I added some value by putting on a light show with his flashlight. I can't tell you how great it is to watch him in these parties. He literally closes his eyes and just moves to the music. It's fantastic. He looks totally peaceful. I LOVE it. I want him to always feel that freedom.

Ryker, for his part, has a healthy ego and self-confidence as well. I went into his room to say goodnight tonight, post-dance party and post-bedtime stories with Dad. I patted his head and rubbed his back. I told him I loved him. Then Tugboat came in. Ryker said "Tuhboh come in here. Tuhboh yuv me. Evybody yuv me." True.

Basketball Rules of Engagement

2011-01-22T16:24:00.000-06:00

There is a certain order and rhythm to street ball. Most gyms and playgrounds have similar rules, and everyone follows them. When people are waiting to play, they automatically get in the next game. If there are more than the necessary amount of players waiting for the next game, everyone shoots and the first players to make it earn the right to play. If your team loses, you're off the court. If there is a dispute, you shoot for it. You call your own fouls, and you don't call many of them.

There's also a certain amount of respect. At the end of most pick-up games, everyone congratulates each other and high-fives or fist-bumps or whatever. Even if you're bad.

It's comforting, knowing the rules and how to operate within them.

But there is something that is also consistently found, and flies in the face of the usual respectfulness of the basketball rules of engagement. Sexism. I've dealt with it my whole life, and yet it still unnerves me. I step into a gym and, unless I know all the guys, there is a fair amount of staring. When it's time for the next game, and I make my shot to get in the game, there is almost always someone who goes "I'm on YOUR team?" and looks like someone just stole their puppy. If it's time for people to pick who they'll defend, I'm ALWAYS the last one chosen. No one wants to guard me - they think they can't be physical or it won't be a challenge.

Last week I stood waiting for a game and there were enough of us that we could run 5s (play 5 on 5) so the guys who were also waiting were trying to decide if we should do that. One guy was standing right next to me, and he goes "yeah, but then someone would have to pick up the girl" and he motions at me. I just stared at him, and he didn't make any attempt to back track, or even acknowledge me.

In another game, one of the guys that was on my team refused to pass me the ball the entire first game we played together. He wouldn't inbound it to me, wouldn't pass to me in the half court, wouldn't let me bring the ball up the court. Nothing. I was laughing out loud, and considered walking off the court. But I WANTED to play. So I stayed, and decided to kill him with kindness. If someone else passed me the ball and I didn't have a shot, I passed to him EVERY SINGLE TIME. I was cracking myself up. Our team kept winning, and I guess I played well enough to earn his respect. By the end he had made up affectionate nicknames for me and was screaming at me to shoot every time I touched the ball.

It's SO annoying to have to prove myself like that, for no other reason than my gender. At some point I will have played with all of the guys that play at my gym, and then I won't have to go through that every time, I guess. Or at least I hope so. And some of the guys are now sticking up for me when they hear someone else bad-mouthing "the girl." Good for them.

Talking to Kids about MLK

2011-01-18T12:40:00.000-06:00

Every year I find myself blogging about this, but every year I continue to be fascinated by it. I'm dragging you all along for the ride.

We talk about social justice a lot in our house. It's a topic I'm very passionate about and if I impart nothing else to my children, I want them to have a clear understanding of what is right and wrong.

Sunday night Jack and I watched the "I have a dream" speech. He sat for 16 minutes staring at the screen and sucking his thumb. I tried my best to paraphrase during periods of extended applause, but it's a lot to explain.

Last night as we drove home from school, I asked Jack how he liked the speech. "Good," he said. Then I asked if he understood it. "Not really."

I went into a long rant, one of about 145 that he has had to endure over his five years. It went something like this:

Me: "....See, Dr. King believed that everyone should be treated equally, regardless of what color their skin was."
Jack: "Why were people not treated the same?"
M: "Because the history in our country had been to treat people with brown skin differently, and like they weren't as good as people with peach skin."
J: "Why?"
M: "Well, that goes back a long way. Back to way early-on in our country's history. We had lots of hard work to do on our farms, so we brought people over from Africa and made them do the work."
J: "And we paid them?"
M: "No, we didn't pay them. And we were REALLY mean to them. But then Abraham Lincoln came along and decided that we were being really mean to those people, so he set the slaves free. That's the good thing we remember him for." (admittedly watered down)
J: "So why weren't they equal then?"
M: "Well, because we had laws that said that even though there weren't slaves anymore, African Americans weren't equal to white people."
Ryker: "We go to neighbors' house?"
M: "No Ryker, we're not going to the neighbors' house. They are all sick. Anyway Jack, that is why Martin Luther King had to work so hard. He believed those laws should go away, that we should have new laws that said that everyone would be treated the same. He worked very hard for that."
J: "Harder than Abraham Lincoln?"
M: "Ummm, good question. No, I wouldn't say he worked harder than Abe Lincoln. They each accomplished a lot."
R: "We eat dinnuh?"
M: "Yes Ryk, we'll eat dinner."
J: "Well why did they shoot him?"
M: "Because .... yes, Ryker, we'll eat dinner, I promise .... because they were afraid of ...."
R: interrupting "BUS!!!!!!!!! BIG BUS!!!!!!!! MOMMA YOOKIT! BIG BUS!!!!!!!!!!!!"
M: "...yes Ryker, that's a big bus. I see it! Anyway Jack, because that man was afraid of what Dr. King was doing, and thought that if he killed him, all black people would lose the hope that Dr. King was giving them all, and that they would stop fighting for their rights....yes Ryker, I did see the bus. It was nice."
R: "Hope? Why?"
M: not sure what the question was, but pleased that Ryk was entering our grown-up conversation "He helped people believe that things would get better for them. He gave them HOPE."
R: "Oh. Okay."
J: "I wish I had been there. I would have put up a big metal thing to stop the bullet. Or I would have crawled REALLY QUIETLY up and taken the gun from him. But I wouldn't have shot him."

Then the conversation was over and he had moved on to whining about why he HAD to eat SPAGHETTI instead of waffles. The brain of a five year old.

Addition and Subtraction

2011-01-09T20:19:00.003-06:00

The whole "every action has an equal and opposite reaction" thing apparently applies to my theory on cleaning. We had to bring many things INTO the house after the holidays, so I have spent two weekends furiously purging us of other things to make room. It's not a bad way to run things, actually.

The biggest addition was a bunkbed for Jack. It's mine from high school (yes, I had a bunk bed in high school). We brought it back from StL and set it up today. Here's my tiny boy in his new big boy bed.

His room is SO cluttered around it, but in time we'll be able to move some of his stuff to Ryker's room. Jack swears Ryk is moving in with him after he's done with his crib ("when he's weddy"), so maybe we'll end up with an open room. And he's ecstatic about it. They both are, actually. The addition of the bunkbed also brought with it the addition of 18 new gray hairs on my head as I cycle through images of children toppling off the top bunk. (Knock on wood.)

We had a ton of toys come into our possession as well. And THAT is why I started purging. My accomplice last weekend (my mom) took the kids to lunch and out shopping (for groceries, not more stuff) and I sprinted around the house throwing broken toys away. I will donate the good ones that just aren't used anymore. And here's the best part - the ones we're keeping are now in the basement! God Bless basements! The kids' rec room is shaping up nicely, and now has a Wii with Mario Kart, which happens to be a BLAST to play with Jack. I also cleaned the entire fridge - every shelf came out, got Cloroxed, and went back in. That was all last weekend.

This weekend was no less tidy. I removed all of the Christmas decorations, cleaned the entire kitchen and entryway, reorganized our entry closet, and cleaned the work station upstairs. That last one about killed Chuck and me last night. Took me two glasses of wine and Chuck about three beers to keep motivated. Stacks and stacks of paper. I found the new insurance cards though, so that's a plus.

Anyway, I'm exhausted. But as I tended to the stacks of paper and piles of hats, two mountains of laundry sprang from the armchair. Time to get moving again.

Vacation

2011-01-01T21:43:00.002-06:00

What a fantastic thing a vacation can be. I needed this one. It's been a stressful few months, and the coming months will be tough at work. But for now, I feel totally happy and relaxed and ready to get into my routine again.

Much of my calm right now has come via the warmth I've felt in the last two weeks as I've been surrounded by friends and family. I already blogged about being around my family. The absolute best.

In StL I also got to see my 6th grade teacher again. Actually, she was my Gifted teacher prior to that (I was one of the kids that quietly crept out of my classroom to go where nerds feel comfortable being smart, and get to do projects that kept us challenged.). She taught one year in a regular classroom - and I was one of the lucky ones to get to have her as my teacher. "Lucky" isn't really the right word. My mom actually went up there when she heard that she was going to be a homeroom teacher and said "I have not asked for ANYTHING, but I really want Jamie in her room." Her name is Michelle Jones, but back then she was Mrs. Goldman to me, and I have a hard time not calling her that still. She was the teacher that really truly influenced me. I've had some really great teachers, but none quite like Mrs. Goldman. We've kept in touch ever since. (She reads this blog too - wave hi to the nice folks Mrs. Goldman! And nice folks, wave hi to Mrs. Goldman and thank her for all she's done for me. WIthout her, my ramblings would be even less coherent and contain many more errors.) Anyway, I got to introduce her to Chuck and the boys, and visit with her and her husband. It was fantastic.

I was only in StL for three days and we were with family almost the whole time. Aside from Mrs. Goldman, the only other non-family member I saw was Taylor. (She also reads this blog. Say hi, Taylor!) I played high school basketball and soccer with Taylor and spent many a night eating brownie mix and hanging out with her. Here's how cool Taylor is - the only time we could really get together was Monday night, but we needed to get the bunk bed out of my mom's storage unit and pack our car. So Taylor, who normally falls asleep around 7pm =), came over at 9 and helped us get the bed, repacked Mom's storage, and packed our car. Such a good friend.

When we got home Chuck and I got to have a date night - just the two of us. It was SO nice. Shopping, dinner, movie. Ahhh.

We also went down to Carleton for our annual Alumni Game. It's like going home - walking into West Gym. Nothing quite like it. And seeing my girls again - I see some of them routinely, but some I don't see all year. Some of them I didn't even play with at Carleton because they came in after I graduated. But there is an understanding and a familiarity that comes from being a part of that program - that family. Big hugs, lots of laughs. Our bball tendencies haven't changed a bit, except we're all slower. Well, *I'm* slower for sure. And here was the really fun part - Tammy coached us! She was my basketball AND soccer coach my freshman year, my bball coach my sophomore year, and then let me assistant coach after injuries forced me into early retirement. We've spent A LOT of time together! Tammy retired after last season, so she came and coached the alumni. SO MUCH FUN! I accidentally swore when she tried to put me back in the game. Oops. But she forgave me. And none of us got hurt, I didn't trip (I've done that in at least two other alumni games), I didn't airball (I don't think?) and I even hit a 3 off of the shot clock. Haha!

Then last night we got to go out with friends for New Year's Eve. Went to a bar at 4, then to a friend's house. We laughed and had a great time, but we all left for home after watching the ball drop in New York. We got home at 11:30 but saw that Nicki's mom and dad were still over there, so we ran across the snowy path and hung out with them until 2am.

And props to my mom, who made most of the antics above possible by watching the boys! Yay! Say hi, mom!

What Do You Do...

2010-12-28T20:18:00.002-06:00

...when you are home without your kids? You blog about them. Duh.

Chuck and I drove back home today, while the boys stayed in StL with my mom for a few days. It was a lovely drive back, made all the more lovely by the quiet of the interior of the car, and the dryness of the road.

It's nice and quiet in my living room right now too, except for the sound of the Vikings game. But it does feel weird to be here without the kids. So I'll blog it out.

My kids are adorable. Have I said that? Jack was positively AMAZING on the drive down to StL. He was patient and helped Ryker and listened to what we were saying. In StL he was a had his frustrating moments, but given the extreme schedule, he did well. He showed his adoration for Kaya and Buster and and Calen and Ian (his cousins) by following them around everywhere. They showed their maturity by letting him be their shadow. Every once in awhile he would crawl into the same seat with one of them and just grin from ear to ear. This morning he laid across me and cuddled. I LOVED it. My sweet boy. He's growing up so much. He can do so many things for himself, and help us out a lot. I forget that he's only five.

Ryker also showed his sweetness on the trip. On Christmas Day we were sitting around Gaga and Papa's house opening presents. We were all in a circle with the kids in the middle, and Ryker asked my mom about opening more presents. She quietly explained to him that it was the adults' turns now, because, for instance, Momma had not opened a present and SHE had not opened a present. He listened, then got up quietly and walked out of the circle. He returned with a present from under the tree and handed it to my mom. It wasn't for her, but still. That's pretty darn cute. He got such a reaction from all of us that he went back and proceeded to bring ALL of the rest of the presents out and distribute them equally amongst the (wrong) adults.

There were many other examples of his sweetness. If several people were sitting around, he would bring them all a toy to play with. When someone mentioned they were hungry, he would give them part of his snack. When Jack said he didn't want Ryker to bring certain toys to Gaga's, Ryker would set them aside and say "my no bring dat to Gaga's, no" as he shook his head. He's such a sweet, sensitive little guy.

I love my boys. And as much as I love the silence, I do miss them!

Driving to St. Louis

2010-12-26T15:23:00.004-06:00

I have done the drive to St. Louis many, many times over the last 14 years. I've driven alone, with my mom, with Chuck. We've driven when I was 8 weeks pregnant, and when I was 8 months pregnant. We've driven through heat and rain and snow, in the Chevy Lumina van, the Geo Prism, the Subaru, the Honda and the Mazda - and once, Chuck drove the Honda while I drove the van and we caravanned using walkie talkies to communicate. For the longest time I would cry every time we started the drive back to Minnesota, already missing my family. (For the record, and because they are all sitting in the room as I write this very post, I still miss them terribly when I leave. I just handle it better now.)

The drive down this time was an entirely different experience, and one I hope I never have to repeat. Chuck's new job doesn't given him any vacation days, so our plan was to drive down on Christmas Eve.

We woke bright and early and tried to coax the boys to eat first and second breakfast faster. By the time we loaded the car, got everyone in and stopped for coffee, it was 9:15. By 9:45 we had turned around for home - not wanting to be one of the dozen cars we saw in the ditch. I was devastated. Chuck spent an hour clearing the driveway of the newly fallen snow, and I alternated between road condition maps of MN, IA and MO.

At 12:30 we got antsy and started off again. Southern MN was fine. Iowa was not. There were no plows out, you couldn't really see the road, and it was decently icy. Also it smelled bad. We pulled into a town looking for dinner, and got nervous when we saw that the McDonalds was closed. I have never been so happy to see an Arby's be open. We ate and went potty, put a new movie on and switched drivers.

I was ready to take my turn at the wheel, thinking that it didn't look like Chuck had much trouble. On the road back to the highway I got my first taste of really awful fishtailing. I live in MN, so that's saying something. We twisted this way and that, Chuck yelled instructions at me, we sort of tilted up on two wheels, and finally came to a dead stop in the middle of the road. I made sure I wasn't having a heart attack, and we started back on our way. The children didn't even notice - not a word. Later, I put on the rear window wiper and Ryker whipped around, going "Who dere?!???" Good thing he's observant.

I have never gripped a wheel so hard in my life. I was hunched over, trying to keep our wheels in the treads of the car in front of me when I was lucky enough to be following someone. My eyes, hands, forearms and biceps hurt. By Missouri, it was better. My boys fell asleep, all of them, and I was left to my thoughts.

It had been a very stressful day, but I found myself completely calm and happy. The car was warm and silent except for the sleepy breathing of my favorite guys. I saw houses lit up in Christmas lights and knew that lots of people were with loved ones, smiling and laughing and recharging. And I knew that we'd soon be joining their ranks. I must love my family a lot, because I did not CARE how long it took us to get there, or how awful the journey was, I just wanted to be there with them.

We pulled into my mom's garage exactly 12 hours after we left (the second time). Within five minutes the kids were opening presents, commencing the spoiling for the week. I feel spoiled too - great family, non-stop eating, people playing with my kids, and a little blogging time to boot. Life is good.

I love my kids

2010-12-22T21:53:00.002-06:00

This post will serve a dual purpose. First, I will get to express my undying love for my offspring. And second, I will have something to look back on and read while driving to StL, as they will no doubt be screaming and yelling and hitting in the back seat. It will be a sort of safety net so I don't yell back. Like my own little Blog Happy Place & Mute Button.

My kids are at really cute ages right now. Jack is REALLY smart (proud momma) and can figure out all sorts of things, including when adults are speaking in code. He knows all of the dirt at his school because he listens to every word the teachers say. I was that way. He can have really good conversations about things with us. But mostly what I love about him right now is his love for Ryker. He truly adores that kid. And it's not like Ryk is a baby who isn't in his way - Ryker is actually pretty annoying to him. He follows him around and takes his things. Nonetheless, Jack will put everything aside to help Ryk. This morning Jack refused to get dressed, opting instead to stand with only underwear on so he could stay with Ryker in the bathroom as he tried to go potty. I asked Jack what he was doing and he said that Ryker might get scared if he left him, so he wanted to stay in there with him. Sweet boy. And on our way home from some outings tonight, Ryker undid his own seat belt. None of us could reach it and we were on the highway so I couldn't pull over. We were really close to our destination, so we just let it go. You should have HEARD Jack. He was so nervous the whole time. Kept asking us to fix it, and when we pulled into the parking lot at Burger King, instead of exclaiming his joy at the impending Play Place experience, he yelled that it was so good we were there because now we could buckle Ryker in!

Ryker himself is pretty darn cute. He is TALKATIVE. And expressive. We were out with some friends tonight at a not-so-kid-friendly bar. After awhile he came toward us through a crowd of people and had put his own coat on upside down and inside out. Subtle. In our haste to get everyone into the car and buckled up, I lost our keys. We knew they were there somewhere, but couldn't find them. We finally took Ryk out of his seat and found them under him. As we drove off, he goes "Cwazy Wykur, me has keys!" and just cracked up laughing. (For the record, none of us called him crazy.)

They both did an awesome job at the holiday program at their school. Jack got to be the flag bearer, which was thrilling for him. He sang and danced to all the songs. He looked so handsome and proud. And Ryker stole the toddler's portion of the show. He was hilarious. The kids were all lined up on the stage, and they all stood still and stared straight ahead, like a very long police line-up. All except Ryker, who stood in the middle of the crew and DANCED. He danced and danced his little heart out. My face hurt from smiling so hard at him. He was having such a good time! Pictures (although really bad) are on Flickr to the right.

Venting

2010-12-15T21:29:00.002-06:00

I need to vent.

It's hard to be a good mom to two young, willful boys.

It's hard to be a good wife all the time through a stressful year.

It's hard to try to get back into shape and make time for the gym.

It's hard to work a full-time job that frequently requires (unpaid) overtime.

It's hard to volunteer my time, and not even do as much as I want to do.

It's hard to keep the house clean, the kids clean, and me clean.

It's hard to make time to see friends as often as I'd like.

It's hard to work on my anxiety issues every single day.

Whew. Decent list. I wish I was doing a better job at every last one of those items. I get frustrated when I feel like I'm doing those things only moderately well.

But what is harder than each the things above is knowing that others are doing them all by themselves, with no support network. And so I vent and then I get over it and stop feeing sorry for myself, and then I thank all of you for being such good friends and family (or total strangers, maybe, but whatever - I thank you too).

Photos

2010-12-12T22:29:00.000-06:00

New photos on Flickr - to the right.

Things We're Happy About

2010-12-12T22:01:00.003-06:00

We just got through the most ridiculous weekend we've had in a long time. Tantrums, biting, whining, diminishing beer supply, broken internet connection. Oh, and 17.1" of snow - the 5th most in MN history - and blizzard conditions.

The bulk of the snow fell on Saturday. Minnesotans were advised not to go ANYWHERE under ANY CIRCUMSTANCE. So we were stuck in our house. It was really cold and windy too, so we didn't even go to our driveway. People all over Facebook and Twitter were announcing their wonderment at this scene, and their delight in getting to curl up and read books all day. Those people clearly don't have two young boys.

While Chuck attempted to dig us out of our driveway, I attempted to keep the children from killing each other, or me. I wanted to get casseroles in the oven for dinner, so I put on some Christmas music and set to work. Both kids sat up at the counter, Ryker demanding second lunch. They were both crabby, as was I. Ryker learned a new phrase, which he proudly exclaims all day long now - "Knock it off!"

To regain sanity, I decided we'd play a rousing game of "What Makes You Happy." We went around and took turns giving our answers.

Mom: "Ryker, what are YOU happy about?"
Ryker: "Mercris" (Merry Christmas)
Mom: "That's good. Jack?"
Jack: "I'm happy that we have a roof and a house in snow storms. And thunder storms."
M: "Me too. I'm happy that we have lots of good food to eat. Ryker?"
R: "Teets" (treats)
J: "I'm happy because I love Mom more than anything else in the world. And that makes me happy."
M: (wiping big happy tears away and waiting for him to ask me for something, like a new car or $100) "That is THE NICEST thing I have heard in a long time. I love you too. And THAT makes me happy."
J: "I'm also happy for tartar sauce."

Three hours later, my Ready-In-30-Minutes recipe was in the oven and we didn't kill each other after all. Merry Christmas.

Jack Jokes

2010-12-07T13:56:00.002-06:00

Jack has really taken to joke-telling. His sense of humor is really, really odd sometimes. (Forgive me if I've noted some of these before - I'm too lazy to go check on previous posts.)

His old standby was as follows:

Q: Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
A: Because he was feeling kinda crumby.

Then he moved on to the following, coming out of one of his books:

One old dinosaur: "I'm old and sore."
Other dinosaur: "I've never heard of an oldensaur."

He was so enamored with that one that he named his stuffed gorilla "oldensaur."

The same book produced his favorite line:

"You're too smalls to be my meatballs."

Then a joke out of another book:

Q: Where does the king keep his armies?
A: In his sleevies.

This one had me a little worried. I read that part to him and he laughed so hard that no sound was coming out, his face turned red and his one dimple - high, high up on his right cheek - totally sunk into his face. Once he regained the ability to talk, he made me practice the joke with him so he could tell it to his friends at school.

Then last night he busted out a new one:

Q: How many "pwirrels" (squirrels) does it take to change a lightbulb?

I was THRILLED that we were moving into new genres of joke telling, and eagerly awaited his response.

A: 98

That was it. He sat laughing and laughing and laughing and I sat bewildered, wondering if my 5 year old was telling me a joke that was above my humor-intelligence-quotient.

The Fruits of Cabin Fever

2010-11-27T19:48:00.003-06:00

I'm not sure what has gotten into me. It's partially the fact that my mom is here, so I can get more done. It's partially that Chuck got a job, so I feel like we have a bit of breathing room. It's partially that we've all been cooped up inside because Minnesota Winter has set in.

I have gone crazy at the gym. My friend keeps signing up for races, and the competitive part of me really envies that. My body is worn from playing so many years of basketball and soccer, so I can't really run on pavement anymore for any decent distance. When she signed up for the Twin City Ten Mile back in October, I vowed I was going to do 10 on the elliptical too. Not the same thing as carrying your own weight on the streets of Minneapolis, I know, but it was a goal. I began working out at the gym in late August and was tired after 20 minutes on the elliptical. Five weeks later I got up to an hour and a half and reached my goal.

But back to this weekend - the same friend signed up for a 5k on Thanksgiving too so that day I wanted to push myself. I ran 6 miles. Yesterday I biked another 6 and lifted, and today I ran about 3.5 and played basketball. Extra babysitter = longer workouts = happier Jamie.

I also went ballistic on the house. I thought I just wanted to get a new toilet seat. I did that, installed it, and cleaned the bathroom. Then I washed my hands and got annoyed that the sink wasn't draining properly, so I removed the pipes under the sink and cleaned them out. (Sometimes I think I'm a plumber at heart. I actually fixed the hotel toilet on one of my college visits with my mom.)

My big plan this weekend, though, was to clean the big room in the basement and make a playroom for the boys. Eventually we'll refinish the entire basement and make it look purdy, but for now we just needed to clean it. And remove the weird, huge, Timberlodge-style bar glued to the floor down there. That thing has bugged me since we moved in.

It's gone now, thanks to Chuck. Jack helped me sort through toys - throwing broken ones away, keeping ones he wanted, and donating ones that we don't need anymore. The ratio of kept vs donated is not quite what I was hoping for, but it was a start. Jack was SO pleased to be helping. We have a lot more work to do down there but pretty soon our kids and all the neighborhood kids can be playing ping-pong or pool down there, having dance parties and watching movies. And the adults can be sitting upstairs watching football and drinking beer. My plan is coming together....

The Thankful List

2010-11-25T20:27:00.002-06:00

Things I'm Thankful For (the Obvious and the Not-So-Obvious):

1. Family and Friends - this one is too big to summarize so I'll just say "Thank you and I love you" and leave it there.
2. Best Buy - for seeing the smart, hard-working person that is my husband and giving him a chance. And for being closer to home than my work, thus giving me rightful ownership over the Hybrid for awhile longer.
3. The new Sonic Care toothbrush Chuck bought me - it replaces the other one I had, which forced me to press the button every 3 seconds for it to function.
4. All the Einstein bagels and cream cheese in my fridge. Also the Straub's chicken salad my mom brought me from St. Louis.
5. My new hair color - I let Nicki loose on it and I love it!
6. The Lowe's gift card - it will let us buy a new toilet seat. I've wanted this for months now.
7. Coffee - for keeping me from being a raging lunatic every morning.
8. My awesome coworkers - for keeping me laughing through the stress.
9. Netflix - for letting Chuck and me watch every episode of Lost in this last year, and for making sick days with the kids so much more tolerable.
10. The Wiggles - for making Ryker SO happy.
11. Paper and markers and googly eyes - for making Jackson SO happy.
12. Dr. Tom - for helping me accomplish so much on the anxiety-front this year.
13. The gym - for helping keep me mentally and physically healthy.
14. Nova - for all the useless factoids I can now spew forth on unsuspecting friends and family.
15. My iPod and Pandora - for keeping the music alive no matter where I am, and for teaching my kids to appreciate it as well.

Ryker-isms

2010-11-20T14:38:00.002-06:00

Good Lord that boy talks a lot now. I'll try to document his new pronunciations as best I can.

I served him hot cocoa for the first time today. He referred to it for the next several hours as his "coffee."
His favorite songs are "Cankle" (Twinkle Twinkle Little Star), "Hah-tay-toe" (Hot Potato), and our personal favorite, "Giggle Balls" (Jingle Bells). Favorite artists are "Boobay" (Michael Buble) and "Bee-alls" (the Beatles).
He "yuvs" (loves) the "Wig-uhls" (Wiggles) and particularly "yikes" (likes) the "cock-uh-puhls" (octopus).
He'll say most everyone's names now, but the cutest right now might be "Cuh-yen" (Cullen).
Favorite toys are "cockuh ba-yul" (soccer ball), "tains" (trains), and "sub-all" (shovel).
Winter accessories include "mitts" (mittens) and a "cack-et" (jacket).
When movies are starting they are "coming" and then they are either "o-buh" (over) or "bow-ken" (broken).
He's not potty-trained yet, but he'll tell us when he's "messy" or "stinky" most of the time. Sometimes he lies and says "I fi-yun" when he's clearly not.

Anyway, we're having fun deciphering what he's saying. We have to ask Jack to translate at times, and he always comes through.

The iPhone Will Be the Death of My Parentdom

2010-11-14T20:10:00.002-06:00

My two year old knows how to scroll through pictures, close out of Facebook and get into Talking Carl, close out of Talking Carl and get into Doodle Buddy, and shake the phone to make the screen clear.

As if that's not bad enough, I find myself having the following conversations:

Jack: "What are you playing?"

Momma: "It's called Angry Birds."

J: "What are you doing?"
M: "Ummm, well, I'm loading birds into this slingshot."

J: "And then what?"

M: "Well, I launch them at those sculptures over there."
J: "What are you trying to do?"

M: "Ummm...blow up those piggies?"

Lemons Into Lemonade

2010-11-13T15:52:00.004-06:00

I've done this before on this blog - turning my frown upside down and whatnot - but it is a nice little exercise when I'm feeling frustrated. I'm very, very lucky, and it never hurts to remind myself of that so I don't ever take it for granted.

Here goes.

Chuck still doesn't have a job. He got turned down for two promising ones this week. But he still has 5 that he's in the running for. Five job possibilities. Hundreds of people have applied for each of those positions, but Chuck was one of the handful of resumes each of those lovely, smart, wonderful hiring managers plucked out of the pile to interview.

Jack got sick again last night. Poor guy. I brought him home with Ryker, missing what we were supposed to be doing. Our foiled Friday night plans? Serving dinner at a homeless shelter. We are operating on one non-profit salary right now, and have been for five months, but we still have enough money to make food for other people to eat - people going through amazingly rough times right now who are so grateful for each and every meal.

Chuck went over to help out while I drove one of our two cars to our beautiful home. We went inside, ate dinner, got into comfy pajamas, read some of the multitude of books we own, gave Jack some medicine that we're lucky enough to have stock-piled, and I tucked them into their warm beds with their stuffed animals and blankets. I took out my brand new MacBook, cracked a beer (which we are also lucky enough to have stock-piled) and got to chat with a few friends.

During the night, Jack got sick all over his bed. We have more than one set of sheets, more than one blanket, more than one pillow, so I was able to get him back asleep - comfy and cozy - in no time.

The snow began to fall through the night. It is beautiful, and we're lucky enough to have an attached garage so we don't even have to step into the snow when we leave the house. Jack still feels awful, and wants to do nothing more than lay around dozing in and out of sleep. We have enough movies to keep him occupied when he IS conscious.

The snowstorm knocked out our power mid-afternoon. It came back fairly quickly, but even if it had stayed off, we have plenty of food in our pantry, plenty of candles in our house, an abundance of flashlights, and an awesome fireplace with wood that's already chopped. We would have been all set.

Chuck went out to clear the driveway with the snowblower that we are lucky enough to own. It was broken. But we have computers that helped Chuck diagnose the problem, which was a cracked something-or-other bolt. I'm lucky enough to have a smart, handy husband who happens to have a large assortment strange tools and other things, and he was lucky enough to have the exact bolt that broke. So he replaced it, and he's off and running down the driveway with the newly restored snowblower.

So really, life's good. Very very good. Jack will get better, Chuck will get a job, the snow will melt (by April), and life will continue to show me that things aren't nearly as bad as my Twitter feed might imply.

Lists About Stress

2010-11-10T19:50:00.003-06:00

A List: Signs That You Are Too Stressed At Work

Your coworkers make frowny faces at you all day.
You burst into tears at work.
Other coworkers burst into tears upon seeing you burst into tears.
You ponder taking up smoking for the built-in breaks.
You are offered immunity boosting supplements because people don't know what else to do with you.
Three different people, in separate instances, order you to drink beer.
Your laugh has turned maniacal.
Your regular response to "did you get that email?" is "maybe."
You walk so fast that your shorter coworkers have to jog to keep up with you in your walking meetings.
After work you fall asleep in your bath.

A List: Things That Calm Me Down

The afore-mentioned bath.
The post-bath nap.
My Hoodie Footie Snuggle Suit.
Sitting in the back of the van in the garage watching the thunderstorm with Jack.
Dinner with the family.
Watching Ryker bliss out watching the Wiggles.
Being presented with 3 new art pieces by Jack (one of which is a giant, fat dog that he labeled "Mom," but I'll take it).
Hard cider.
Chuck having 800 interviews this week.
Blogging it out.

My Musings...Jack's Musings...

2010-11-04T21:47:00.002-05:00

Okay, you had to endure a post without a single quote from the kids, so I'll balance it out.

One of my favorite things is to just sit and let Jack ramble. It's hilarious. He will just keep going and going and move from subject to subject with little or no transitions. I have no idea where he gets that from. Have I told you about my Snuggle Suit? I had the funniest conversation today. Not about the Snuggle Suit. What was I talking about?

Anyway, last night I let him go for a spell. He began by talking about the almost-life-size-construction-paper-boy that he made at school.

"Momma, Miss Christy let me bring home that boy so I hung it on my wall. (That was fairly obvious because we were sitting on his couch staring at said-boy taped halfway up his wall.) I'm gonna make a road for him to walk on. And maybe I will cut his legs off. Maybe I'll cut his legs off and then put them back on - OH! - I KNOW! - I will cut his legs off and then use a screw - I found my toy screws bee-smorning. I can use a screw to put his legs back on so they can go back and forth and look like he's walking. And maybe I'll cut his arms off too so they do the same thing. I might do that tomorrow morning. I might. Maybe. I cut that other thing down. See it? I taped it up on the wall over there. And I found that other piece of paper in my cwoset. See it? I taped it up too when I found it bee-smorning in my cwoset. It is the weekend tomorrow?"

The Sound of...

2010-11-04T20:56:00.002-05:00

You're missing my musings about the gym, aren't you? I can tell.

I was there today. I've been sick for awhile, so my attendance has been spotty the last two weeks. But tonight I ran and it felt good. I went to sit in the sauna for a bit afterwards. I was sitting in there, and another woman was in there, and it struck me that we both hadn't moved a muscle and were just staring off into space. And I thought that was really fascinating, because there aren't many places where you just sit motionless and silent. You are trapped in a tiny room and there is no entertainment. And you aren't supposed to talk.

I love the silence and the time to reflect. Most days I don't have any quiet time. None. I wake up and am with the kids and Chuck...talk to my mom on the way to work...people in and out of my office all day, meetings, running around the museum...talk to friends or family on the way home from work...at home with the kids and Chuck...bed. I choose to fill my days with people and conversations. I love it. But I do like a bit of quiet time.

So I'm sitting in the sauna loving the quiet time. And in walks another woman. She has on all of her workout clothes still, which has nothing to do with my story, I just don't understand how people can do that. I mean, it's so friggin' hot in there. How can you sit with yoga pants and a shirt and socks and shoes? Ick. I am all for the swimsuit. She also (relevant to the story) has an iPod. As she opens the door, I can hear sound coming from the headphones. She sits down and I'm already annoyed because she is trampling on my sound-free zone. But then I hear the music.

"You can't hear it...

It's electric!"

You've got to be kidding me.

"You gotta know it...

It's electric!

Boogie, woogie woogie!"

Now, I can do the Electric Slide with the best of them. I can bust out two different versions, even, depending on the people I'm dancing with. But I DO NOT want to hear that song in the sauna. I had to stop myself from laughing out loud. She didn't even turn it down.

"And I'll teach you, teach you, teach you

I'll teach you the elec-tric sliiiiii-de."

No you won't. I had to leave.

I'm going to write a book of etiquette at the gym.

Make It Stop!

2010-10-29T20:58:00.003-05:00

For real. I call Uncle.

Remember two weeks ago when Jack had the stomach flu? Yeah? And then I decided not to write about ME having the stomach flu last weekend. There wasn't anything interesting or funny about it. It sucked. The same morning that I got sick, Ryker did too.

I had about one day of feeling better, and then my throat started hurting.

Then Jack started coughing.

Then I lost my voice.

Then my nose was all stuffy.

Then Chuck took a nap. He never naps.

Then I spent half of dinner in the bathroom with Jack.

Now we are all sitting here straining to hear the TV over Chuck and my hacking.

UNCLE.

Mawwaige

2010-10-28T16:46:00.003-05:00

I was driving Jack back up to Target the other night, for a last minute Halloween costume emergency. (Chuck accidentally bought him a size 12-14, so it looked like Batman's son was trying on Daddy's uniform.)

As we were driving, he asked me when he would get married. I said that people get married at all different ages, and some choose never to get married. It just depends. He said that he really WANTS to get married. I said okay, that then it would depend on when he found the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He goes "well, I want to marry Logan, but he doesn't want to be married to me. And boys don't marry boys." I said "well, sure they can" and teetered on the verge of explaining the state by state difference in this fact. I decided against it.

"I really want to get married. At school I asked 'Who wants to marry me?' but NO ONE said anything!"

I said that some kids just haven't thought about marriage yet, but that once they did, I was sure someone would say yes to him.

Jack: "Well, I really want to marry Logan and Rico and Payten. Why can't I marry all of them?"

Me: "Well, in some cultures that is ok with everyone. People can share their lives with more than one person. In our culture we say that a person can only be married to one other person at the same time."

The conversation fell apart after that. Jack swore I said "sculptures" instead of "cultures." Also, explaining polygamy versus monogamy and why gay marriage isn't legal is really really hard when you're talking to a five year old.

Opportunist

2010-10-19T19:52:00.002-05:00

I am sick of the illness circulating through our household. Although we're trying to not spend money right now, I splurged on some immunity boosting Jamba Juices for our family. I figured it would cost less than going to the ER 84 times in the next several months.

I came home with three orange-sherberty things. I didn't figure Ryker needed one. Ryk looked longingly at them - "What DAT?" I said it was something for Mommy and Daddy and Jackson. Ryk took that better than I thought he would. He sat there quietly in the armchair while I gave Jack his cup. He tried it. Ryker watched him carefully. Jack announced "I don't like it" and Ryker jumped out of his chair immediately, yelling "*I* yike it!!! *I* yike it!!!"

I poured him a small cup. He devoured it, pushed it back across the counter at me, and said "I yike it. (Signed for more.) More."

Tonight

2010-10-17T20:39:00.002-05:00

It was an adventurous night in the Van Nostrand household. Jack's stomach ache - which he complained of during his soccer game and which led him to take a 2 hour nap for the first time in a year - took full hold in a really gross way. I'll spare you the intricate details, except to say that it was in the car on a trip with Daddy to Walgreens to stock up on Pedialyte and Saltines. They didn't make it.

When they got back, Jack came into the house in just his underwear (it's 50 degrees out). He threw his hands in the air and said "I fwrowed up" and marched back to the bathroom. So that was that. I got him into the shower and went out to the garage to help Chuck. I sat in the driveway disassembling his carseat while Chuck worked on the interior of the car. Ryker ran around in pajamas and Crocs and obeyed as I repeatedly yelled "DON'T TOUCH THAT!" at him. I went back in to get Jack out of the shower, put his carseat and clothes in the washer, spray his shoes out, and give Ryker Fourth Supper.

Chuck ventured BACK out, this time without Jack but in the same car (???). He got our supplies and milk shakes. Jack was ecstatic.

Here's where the night got better.

I put Ryker in bed, which I don't get to do very often anymore. Jack's just a wee bit attached to me, as Ryker is to Chuck. I'm out of practice. Ryker now insists on doing baby flash cards - they have animals on them starting with each letter of the alphabet. He pulls out Buffalo first and says "Yak." Wow. I said "that's really close - but that's a buffalo." He goes "Buffo?" and then pulls out the Yak card and puts them side by side. Nodding, he says "yak" at the correct one. A few cards later he pulled out the Narwal and said "nawal." (This is significant if you know the story about me only finding out that narwals were real about 3 years ago.)

Then it was time to sing. We turned out the lights and he snuggled up to me and requested Sunshine. I obliged. Then Pat a Cake. I obliged. Then Cankle. Ummm...

"What Ryker?"
"Cankle."
"You have cankles?"
"No."
"What do you want to sing?"
"Cankle."
"Mommy has cankles?" (stiffling laughter)
"No."
"Good boy. What do you want to sing?"
"Cankle....DIS!" (doing the Twinkle sign from Twinkle Twinkle Little Star)

OHHH!

Back to Jack. He seems better. He ate applesauce, the milk shake and a few Saltines. He is mostly just upset that he can't go to school tomorrow, because he really wanted to wear his soccer uniform and medal for his friends. Once they smell nicer, we'll let him.

32

2010-10-16T14:45:00.002-05:00

Well, another year has passed. This is the first year I haven't been pregnant or had a baby in tow for about 5 years now. And because of that, I was able to turn the focus back to me. My first objective? To conquer my panic disorder. I've been in therapy for 15 months now, and every single day for those 15 months, I have logged my anxiety levels and my anticipated anxiety levels, as well as any exposures I have done. (Exposures are things that make me confront my anxiety, things that I would have avoided in the past.)

I'm such a perfectionist that I'm almost always looking at where I need to go, instead of celebrating how far I've come. As part of a birthday present to myself, I decided to go back and look at my logs, starting with my birthday last year.

I counted them up, and I noted 116 exposures I've done in the last 365 days. Imagine something that gives you cold sweats, makes you want to pass out or throw up - then imagine intentionally putting yourself in those situations once every three days. It's intense.

Not all of them go swimmingly. I've had 7 knock-down, drag-out panic attacks in the last year. Lots of others gave me significant trouble, but didn't put me out of commission. But the vast majority of exposures were fine. I have developed a pattern. I get anxious in the lead-up to something. Then I peak in the first 15 minutes or so - sweating, dizzy, nauseous - and then I calm down and do just fine. Last year I would bail on things in those first fifteen minutes. Now I am able to remember, through that, that I know the ending to this story already. I know I'll be fine.

What's interesting about looking back at all of my exposures is that they have changed in some pretty dramatic ways. Things that I flagged as exposures in the fall and winter of last year are not things I have noted in the last few months. Some are the same, the bigger ones, but lots of the day to day things that used to make me crazy now are fine.

So it's been a good year on that front. Progress on my journey.

I Lose

2010-10-11T20:10:00.002-05:00

I asked Jack who his favorite person is in the whole entire world (trying to get him to say me, of course). His answer?

Lucy.

I've never even HEARD of Lucy.

How do I lose to a kid who I've never even heard of??? I'm sure she's lovely, but come on!